


Shattered Into Ash

by Ibijau



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Family, Fluff, I have not seen BotFA, M/M, Pregnancy, Trans Character, Unrequited Love, Vaginal Sex, mix of book and film canon, sex by proxy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-03-30 13:51:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 33,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3939220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ibijau/pseuds/Ibijau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili loves Nori, but can't risk having a bastard that would have rights to the throne. Dwalin doesn't much like Nori, but he sure find him attractive. Surely they can find an arrangement to deal with this, can't they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Veraverorum (your_Mother)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_Mother/gifts).



> I BLAME VERA FOR THIS  
> the idea is hers. All hers. I am merely writing it for her reading pleasure. And because I like angst.

Everyone was very polite about Frerin. They all said that he had Dwalin's eyes, which was a lie. His eyes had never been that pale. But of course, it was about the only resemblance they could find in his son. Some of his friends, who were trying to seem more honest, often commented that the little boy was taking a lot from his bearer, but that was just as ridiculous. These weren't Nori's eyes, and no one in Nori's family had ever had hair like that, the colour of wheat in the summer sun. No one dared say anything though. There was nothing to be said. If the surviving members of the company had understood anything they didn't say, because they had to stick together, and no one outside of their group could ever have guessed. The secret was safe.

It had not always been.

 

Dwalin was furious when he first noticed the way Nori and Fili joked together. He'd known the prince long enough to know how that boy flirted, and he'd seen and heard enough about Nori to suspect the thief liked taking new lovers. It didn't matter much among commoners, who thought there was no shame in raising a child without their sire, but princes couldn't risk such things. Any child Fili might sire would have a claim to the throne of Erebor. A tenuous claim to a throne none of them might ever see again, but Dwalin had joined this because he was determined they would succeed. He was sworn to protect the royal family from all enemies. And if Nori could bear a bastard, then he was an enemy.

An enemy that Dwalin sometimes watched too closely, admiring Nori's speed and agility, the way he never stood still and laughed so often. Once or twice, Dwalin wondered if he should try to seduce Nori, just to separate him from Fili. He tried to convince himself that it would be a _sacrifice_ for the safety of a boy he'd seen grow, but the lie was just too big. So he just looked from a distance, hoping it would look like he was disapproving the whole thing.

It did not.

Dwalin was on watch duty when one night, Fili and Nori came to him. There was something wrong about them, Fili standing less straight, Nori moving less... and something else too, something Dwalin couldn't quite decide on.

“The two of you should be sleeping,” he grunted, glaring at the dying fire to avoid looking at them.

“Yeah, we will,” Nori retorted, more hesitantly than he should have. “But first we have an... offer for you?”

Nori's voice wavered slightly, and he turned to Fili. The boy nodded, and straightened.

“I think you'll like it,” Fili claimed in the tone he usually only used to convince his mother that he truly was a responsible adult. “I know you've noticed that Nori and I have... discovered that we really enjoy each other's company.”

Dwalin grunted, but refused to answer. He didn't like where this was going, but Fili didn't seem to notice it.

“Of course, we would have liked to enjoy... each other a lot more,” Fili explained, his cheeks darkening.

“You're a prince,” Dwalin reminded him. “Your mother raised you better than that.”

“Exactly. I _know_ I can't risk a child out of wedlock. Not even when...” Fili hesitated and looked at Nori. There was something in that look that worried Dwalin. He had thought this was just lust, but that look seemed like something else entirely. “I can't do what I want with myself,” Fili resumed, forcing his eyes away from Nori. “Not yet. I know I can't bed a bearer I'm not married to. But _you_ can.”

“ _What_?”

“We thought you might have sex with Nori with me present.”

Dwalin's breath caught in his throat for a second, the idea so ridiculous...

“Somebody would notice if all three of us disappeared together,” he grunted. It was the wrong thing to say, the worst excuse possible. There were so many reasons to refuse. Dwalin could have appealed to his honour and Fili's, to not being willing to act as a replacement, or not even _wanting_ Nori. He could have mentioned that regardless of anyone's status they couldn't risk anyone having a child when they were travelling toward a dragon, that he just didn't want to enable whatever fit of lust was happening between Nori and Fili, or just that Thorin would disapprove the whole thing. There were so many reason to refuse, and he'd all but admitted that the idea didn't bother him as much as it should have.

Fili grinned, and playfully poked Nori's ribs. “Told you he liked you.” He turned again to Dwalin, but had at least the decency to be too embarrassed to look him in the eye. “We'd find an excuse. Hunting or gathering wood or whatever... Or wait until Kili's on watch duty to slip away. She owes me a favour or two so she would never rat on us.”

The boy made it sound so easy, and Dwalin couldn't help but wonder how much time Fili had spent thinking of a way to be with his lover. Too much, probably. Dwalin remembered being young, and how much he'd thought of that sort of things too, even as his friend and him were marching toward Khazad Dum...

“You two do realise that there's plenty you can do that won't mean any risk of a bastard, right?”

“Oh, we've had our fun already,” Nori assured him, looking away at the darkness surrounding them. “This is... different.”

A few things suddenly made more sense to Dwalin. He'd noticed one or twice Nori and Fili being slower than usual in the morning, as if they hadn't slept well despite not having to keep watch that night, and yet smiling and having an air of annoying cheerfulness... That never happened when one of them watched over the company's sleep, but come to think of it, it often did when Kili or Ori were. And of course they were still almost children, romantic at heart and wanting to help their brothers even when it was wrong...

What still made no sense, however, was why Fili and Nori would so desperately want the only act they couldn't have, to the point of involving him. Maybe it was just _because_ they couldn't have it. Or maybe it was some twisted plan born in the far too pretty head of that thief, a way to get into the bed not of one but two nobles, maybe even to secure a match that way and never need for anything again... but then again, if the quest succeeded, Nori would be rich as would his brothers, and while Dori clearly dreamed of respectability, of being more than the bastard of a bastard, Nori had never shown signs that he wanted to socially elevate himself. So either his plan was more complex than what Dwalin could understand, or he truly was attached to Fili and wanted a surrogate of sorts.

Dwalin hated both possibilities just as fiercely.

“This is a terrible idea,” Dwalin grunted after a while. And it was, really. Just because he wanted it in spite of himself didn't make it good.

“We are a group of fifteen people,” Fili retorted, “most of whom aren't warriors of any sort, at least one of whom barely knows by which end you're supposed to hold a sword, travelling across half the world through some of the most inhospitable lands that exist to try to attack a dragon that has killed hundreds, _thousands_ of our people. Compared to that, asking you to have sex with a dwarf you find attractive anyway while I hold his hand and kiss him? I think it's not such a bad plan.”

Nori snorted and grinned, the first time in this conversation that he expressed any emotion other that embarrassment. This was how he was pretty Dwalin decided, before immediately cursing whatever part of his brain was responsible for this thought. And the image of Nori laying under him, flushed and moaning... having Fili present was a strange idea, somewhat distasteful because he had know the boy from birth and seen him grow, but Dwalin could deal with it. If it was the only way to have Nori...

“It's a shit idea,” Dwalin told them roughly, making Fili's face fall and Nori tense. Dwalin sighed. “Give me a few days to think about it. Give _yourselves_ a few days to think about it, while we're at it. And then we'll see.”

Fili did not insist any further for that night, knowing he had already won. At least, Dwalin certainly knew he'd lost. He watched the young couple walk away from the fire, holding hands until they each had to join their families to sleep. And much as he tried, Dwalin couldn't pretend to ignore the longing look Nori threw toward the prince as he was kneeling down beside Dori.

This was a terrible idea, and they would all get in trouble for it, but Dwalin just wasn't strong enough to refuse what was offered to him.

 

They gave Dwalin all the time he needed to decide, and did not approach him again about their little plan. Dwalin knew they hadn't changed their mind though. It was clear in the silent questions in Fili's eyes every time their gaze met, and it was even clearer in the way Nori often stared at him.

Dwalin had never been looked at that way before. People looked at him as if he were a menace or a shield, but Nori stared at him as if he were a challenge, a high mountain to be climbed maybe. Something dangerous to confront and conquer for the sheer pleasure of it but where he did not intend to linger any longer than necessary.

Compared to that, there was a deep tenderness in the way Nori looked at Fili, although only when he thought that nobody could see him. When he was with others, Nori grinned and laughed and moved constantly, a teasing wasp always coming back to its favourite target. But when he wasn't putting on his act, Nori seemed entranced by the prince, staring at him like... well, the only fitting comparison was the way Thorin stared at Erebor on his grandfather's map, with hope and longing and desire, but also a deep down belief that it was for ever out of his reach.

Once or twice, Dwalin wondered if he looked at Nori that way. He hoped to never have the answer.

Still, that was what decided it, in the end. After seeing how Nori looked at Fili, there was no way Dwalin could have denied their request.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> welp  
> in which there is smut

Whatever Fili had told his sister of their plan, she was still surprised to see that Dwalin was a part of it. She didn't say a word, but she was intrigued by the whole thing, and looked at them walking away until the darkness of the night swallowed them.

Dwalin was... nervous. His hands kept clenching into tight fists, and he kept having to make a conscious effort to relax them. He'd had lovers before, bearers and sires both, some of whom had been as pretty or as clever as Nori, and a few of whom had not always been on the right side of the law. But this was different. Nori was different. And it was his first time with a lover who loved someone else -or at least, who loved someone else and was open about it. Not that Dwalin thought Nori really _loved_ Fili. He wasn't the sort to love. There had to be a plan of some sort...

But whatever Nori's feelings were, Fili was clearly sincere. For all that he had acted confident before, there were hints of jealousy and possessiveness to his body language now. He had taken hold of Nori's hand back in the camp, to help the other dwarf get up, and hadn't let go since. The prince had also made sure to stand between Nori and Dwalin as they walked. Nori had noticed, and planted a kiss to Fili's temple, whispering something to him that had the prince shake his head and pull the thief into a fierce kiss.

“I think we're far enough,” Fili said shortly after. “Nobody should hear us, as long as we're not too loud.”

The boy smiled at these words while Nori sniggered, the two of them amused by a joke they didn't intend to share with Dwalin. Then again, they were already sharing enough with him, weren't they?

“How are we doing this then?” Dwalin asked, forcing their attentions back to him. Fili blushed and couldn't manage more than a brief glance at the older dwarf before looking down at his feet. The whole thing had been his idea, Dwalin would have bet on it, but he hadn't paused to think about practical details.

Luckily, Nori had.

“I want to be on my back,” Nori announced calmly, as if he were used to such conversations. Maybe he was. He had a bit of a wild reputation, maybe some of the stories were true. “It will be easier to kiss Fili that way, and also to have my chest played with, which I always like,” he said with a pointed look at Dwalin. Clearly he didn't think that Fili needed to be told what he liked, not anymore. “I am not lying directly on the ground, because there are insects down there and that's a sure mood killer, so one of you will have to lend his coat. It will get dirty, yes, but let's be honest I'm worth it.”

That must have been another shared joke, because Fili snorted and had to bite his lips not to laugh.

“I'm going to need a bit of work from you two,” Nori confessed. “I haven't fucked that way in... a bit of a while, so I'll need some help to fully get in the mood.” He stopped, looked at them, and grinned. “Not _too much_ help though. It does wonder to the ego, knowing two handsome dwarves want you, and stroking my ego is a great way to get in the right mood.”

“And we'll just have to stroke something else to get you all the way there,” Fili teased which earned him a laugh, and when was the last time Dwalin had seen the lad so cheerful? Fili had started becoming too much like Thorin in so many ways, but Nori seemed to counter that somewhat, and Dwalin was grateful for it, if nothing else.

“I'll want to start slow,” Nori resumed, looking at Dwalin. “I don't mind things getting a bit rough along the way and I'm not made of glass, but again, been a while, my poor little cunt needs a bit of time to remember how everything works. And that's about it for my demands. What are yours, big guy?”

“No marks anywhere visible,” Dwalin replied, although he didn't think Nori would want to mark him anyway. “I'd like you to be naked if that's okay with you, but I don't mind if you'd rather stay mostly dressed. Do you want me to pull out when I'm finishing?”

It was the first time that night that Nori seemed surprised by anything. He looked at Dwalin as if he'd never seen him, as if for the very first time, the warrior was more than a challenge in his mind.

“Yes, I'd prefer that,” Nori answered softly, clinging tight to Fili's hand. “I don't... mind if you forget when the moment comes, because... well. But I'll appreciate it if you remember. It's not likely I'd get with child in these circumstances anyway, being on the surface and all but... if I ever am to bear, I want it to be...”

He didn't finish his sentence, but the way he avoided looking at Fili said it all. The prince, on the other hand, was staring at his lover with a mix of longing and adoration and _hope_ , darkened only by hints of desperation.

Dwalin, not for the first time, forced himself not to think about how serious the two of them were. Some questions were better left unanswered. Especially since he knew it was his duty to report to Thorin if he thought that his heir was trying to strike an unfortunate match, and right now, it was the last thing he wanted to do. He didn't think, _refused_ to think that Nori might be as sincere as Fili, but he could make the prince laugh, and that was too precious to be ruined.

“And you Fili, anything you want?” Nori asked a tad too cheerfully.

“I can't get what I want,” the prince replied with a small grimace. “That's why Dwalin's here. But I'll be happy to just be there and kiss you and... help in any way you'll like.”

Nori smiled, and taking Fili to his word, kisses him tenderly. After a brief hesitation, he let go of the prince's hand and went to kiss Dwalin too. There was neither tenderness nor passion in that kiss, but it was still pleasant, and that was enough for the oldest dwarf. Pleasant was all he had a right to ask for.

It didn't come as a surprise when Nori made a show of undressing slowly, removing layer after layer of clothes. Clothes, and knives, which made him look intensely sensual and rather scarier than Dwalin had ever thought before. He liked it more than he should have. Just as he liked that Nori's show was for him as much as for Fili: the thief kept glancing at him, sometimes smirking as if it amused him, the way Dwalin stared. Or maybe it was for another reason entirely. Who knew with Nori.

Eventually Nori ended up wearing nothing but a thin shirt, which he didn't seem to want to remove yet. He then looked pointedly at Dwalin, until the older dwarf finally recalled the demand that his coat be used to protect Nori from the dirt. He removed it quickly and laid it on the ground, quickly dusting the fur with one hand just in case. Nori sad down on it, and Fili knelt down to his side, removing his own coat and rolling it to put under his lover's head. They started kissing then, more passionately than before, and Dwalin looked away. To give himself a countenance, and because it made things easier, he undid the straps of his knuckle dusters and put them down near Nori's pile of clothes. After that though, he wasn't sure what to do. Not until Nori held out a hand for him and pulled him down with them.

In the end, it was easier than Dwalin had expected. He had touched and caressed Nori the way he would have any other lover, kissing him little because his lips were already claimed by Fili. Other than that it was easy to pretend the prince wasn't there. The only times he was brought back to reality was when they worked together to divest Nori of his shirt, and then when their hands occasionally brushed over the thief's chest. It turned out that Nori enjoy that greatly, and their combined efforts soon had him biting back little moans. He was still mostly silent though, until Dwalin kissed his way down his body and started polishing his ruby. The way Nori gasped and panted was deliciously sinful, as was the feeling of his hands clinging to Dwalin's hair and shoulders. His juices were getting into Dwalin's beard, and the older dwarf would have been perfectly happy to finish Nori like that, but it wasn't why they were there of course. When Nori started asking -begging- that Dwalin fuck him, he could only obey.

Nori was... tight and slick and wonderfully _perfect_ , as if he had been made just for Dwalin. His sex was stretched around the warrior's cock, and he gasped and trembled at being filled that way, lying boneless and taking it all. But once Nori started getting used to the feeling, it was around Fili's neck that he threw his arms, and Fili's lips he claimed for a desperate kiss. It was Fili, too, who praised him for being so good and taking it so nicely, for being gorgeous and sweet and wonderful, as if he were the one deep inside Nori, as if he were the one with Nori's legs around his hips. But it was Dwalin who answered to Nori's teasing command to get on with it with a slow grinding of his hips, and it was Dwalin who pulled back only to push back in, getting first gasps out of Nori and then strangled moans once he hit the right spot. It was Fili who groped and played with Nori's chest, but it was Dwalin who's hands where on the thief's hips, on his ass, caressing his ruby. It was against Dwalin's thrusts that Nori moved against to try and get _more_ , but it was Fili who kissed him and saw the adoration and pleasure in his eyes.

When Nori came, whimpering into Fili's mouth, his sex tightened around Dwalin's cock, better than any lover the warrior could remember. He barely had time to remove himself before he came too, half of his seed spilling on Nori's groin and thighs, the rest falling to the ground.

He sat back, to catch his breath, and to enjoy the sight of Nori's boneless contentment. That, however, brought him more pain than pleasure; Fili had taken the thief in his arms and Nori had all but melted against him, both of them having already forgotten Dwalin, as if this round of lovemaking had been theirs only.

Once he was rested enough, Dwalin got up, took his knuckle dusters, and walked back to camp without a word. He'd hoped, vaguely, that they might stop him, and try to thank him maybe, or ask if this would happen again, but they were too lost in each other to even notice him.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things start going bad

When Dwalin woke up the next morning, his coat had been returned to him. The whole thing could have seemed like a dream, if not for the very careful way Nori walked, and his slight wince when he had to get on his pony. And later that day, when they were riding side by side, Fili took his chance of thanking the older dwarf.

“I know it must have been a little weird for you,” the prince mumbled, blushing. “But it... it meant a lot to me, and I am grateful. So's Nori. He... ah. He praised you quite a bit. Seems you've set a pretty high standard and I'll have to work hard to... ah... do as good a job as you did.”

Dwalin grinned. He still didn't like that Fili really thought he would someday fuck Nori in that same way, but it was nice to know he'd been appreciated.

“I'm glad to have been of help, lad. If you need my assistance again, you just have to ask.”

“Oh, we will,” Fili promised. “Be sure of that.”

 

Once more did Dwalin join Nori and Fili for some fun, before their encounter with trolls threw them into too much trouble to think of fooling around. During their stay with the elves the young couple didn't seek him out, which was a surprise. Perhaps they knew better than to put themselves in a position of vulnerability in a house of enemies, or it might just have been they wanted to enjoy together this rare chance for privacy. They did invite him to share their pleasure again twice after they escaped Rivendell and on their way to the misty mountains, and that was their last chance for a while after.

The next time Dwalin was able to fuck Nori for Fili, they were hiding in Beorn's barn. The hay scratched but was still more comfortable than anywhere they'd been before, and the smell was not unpleasant. Between the two of them, Dwalin and Fili gave Nori three orgasms that night, and when they were done Dwalin had to carry him in his arms back to the house.

It had been a good night.

It was also the last time they did this until Erebor, although they had not known it at the time. Mirkwood was just too odd and threatening, and they didn't want to risk leaving the path. They might have been tempted in Esgaroth though, if not for Kili's wound. Fili spent the evening worrying for his sister, and while Dwalin was certain the lass would be fine, he did not push for anything. He _wanted_ Nori, missed seeing under him or riding him, missed feeling his body tighten in pleasure, but there would be time for that later, in Erebor.

 

“I belong with my sister,” Fili said, and nothing could have changed his mind. Clever, sweet, stubborn boy, and how could Thorin have thought this wouldn't happen? Thorin would have done the same for his siblings, and Fili was so like him.

When Oin decided to stay too, Dwalin saw Nori hesitate, and prepare himself to jump off the boat. Before he could do it, Fili exchanged a look with his lover and shook his head slightly. He then gazed at Dwalin, and the old warrior understood the silent message: he was to keep an eye on his prince's lover, keep him out of trouble, keep him _safe_.

 

It was not easy, keeping Nori safe. For one thing, he just didn't understand the concept. Nori was a clever dwarf, one of the most clever Dwalin had ever met, and yet when pursued by a dragon, he didn't think of running away until Dwalin pulled him away. Clever, foolish dwarf who was ready to risk everything to follow Thorin's plan, and if Dwalin hadn't been too smart for that, he might have started falling... but he did not, refused to even think about it.

He had thought, at first, that without Fili around, Nori might tryto tease and flirt with him. They had been intimate enough for that after all. But the thief paid him little attention on the way to the mountain, and in their plan to defeat the dragon, he only teamed up with Dwalin because Balin suggested it. It wasn't until they appeared to have won that Nori turned to Dwalin and hugged him close, the feel of his body different and yet similar when he was dressed. One short moment, and Nori looked at him as if he were a friend, someone he liked, someone he could share his joy with.

One short moment.

But when Smaug escaped toward Esgaroth, it was all ruined.

Any doubt that Dwalin still had regarding Nori's feelings evaporated when the town on the lake burst into flames. Nori stood at the door, unmoving as marble and just as pale, barely breathing. After so many wars, so many losses, Dwalin knew the look of a dwarf who was watching a loved one die and couldn't help. There was no way Nori could be faking this and if he was, then he was the best actor in the world and should be forgiven on account of his talent. But this was real. Nori's stillness was real, as was his shallow breathing, and the tears he hid against Dwalin's chest when the warrior pulled him in another hug because it was too painful to watch Nori's pain and do nothing. He loved Nori too much for that. And he hated himself for realising it now, when the thief was broken by his loss, when Dwalin himself should have thought only of the children he had seen grow and could only see die from afar, of his cousin, but the heart was like that sometimes. Cruel and selfish.

“The dragon will come back,” Dwalin said after a while, because he needed to think of anything but Nori shaking breaths as he tried not to cry in his arms. “What do we do now, Thorin?”

The king too had been staring at the red spot on the lake that had once been a town, shaken beyond words by what was happening. Gently, Dwalin pushed Nori toward his brothers' arms, and walked to his cousin and friend. Thorin was no king right then, he was kin, and he was in pain.

“Thorin,” Dwalin called him softly. “We need to decide what to do now. Whether we run or try to kill Smaug when he returns, we have to decide right now.”

“We must find the Arkenstone,” Thorin replied automatically, never taking his eyes away from that terrible light in the darkness. “We must find it and run, or it will all have been in vain. We must...” He paused for a moment, and finally managed to look at Dwalin. “I did not do this only for the children, I can't stop just because they are... our people... that's what matters in the end. We're doing this for our people, and I must do all I can to give them back their homes, even if... I _cannot_ stop now.”

Balin tried to protest, as did Gloin, but they still followed Thorin back to the treasure. They all hoped for a miracle of some sort, to discover the stone hidden in plain sight as they walked across the gold. They were not so lucky. And standing in the middle of all this wealth, mountains of gold and gems and silver, even a grief-stricken Thorin could only realise that they would never find the heart of the mountain. They had lost. All these efforts, all these sacrifices and these losses, and they had lost.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things get bad, things get better

Their camp inside the secret entrance was still there, waiting for them, untouched in the pale light of sunrise. It looked like the beginning of a beautiful day. Dwalin barely saw it.

What would they do now? The return travel was too dangerous, between elves and orcs and gobelins and the lack of provisions. Besides, what would they tell the people there? What would they tell Dis, when she asked after her children? They couldn't go to the Iron Hills either, like beggars, and be forced to admit that their quest had failed, that they had failed, that Erebor was lost and another town had disappeared by their fault. But they couldn't stay hidden in that tunnel forever either. Soon, they would run out of food or be found by the dragon. Dwalin couldn't decide which would be worse.

It would have been kinder of Smaug to kill them when they had failed to kill him.

It would have been kinder, and that was why the dragon hadn't done it.

“We need some rest,” Dori said, breaking the silence that had fallen on them since the treasure room. “We're all about to pass out, so here or elsewhere, we need to rest.”

It was rare for Dori to boss around anyone but his own brothers. He was usually too worried about being respectful and proper around the more noble members of the company to give orders or even make suggestions. So when he did, they usually listened.

And he was right of course. Between the fight and the grief and the realisation that they had lost, they were all too exhausted to take another step. Bombur and Bifur were holding each other's hands like lost children, their eyes lost in the distance as they tried to process their loss. Balin and Gloin were standing with Thorin, trying to forget their pain by taking care of his. Dori himself was standing straight, his two brothers in his arms. A hen and her scared chicks, Ori crying silently and Nori so still and his eyes so glassy, looking more like a limp puppet than a living dwarf, Dwalin was sure he would have fallen to the ground without Dori to hold him.

The least affected one seemed to be Bilbo. Or maybe he had found a better distraction from the horror of their situation, observing a bird not far outside the tunnel. He was the only one not to sit down when Thorin allowed them some rest, and instead went at the door to get a closer look at the bird. Maybe it was how hobbit dealt with things, or maybe it was just how Bilbo dealt with it. Dwalin was too tired to really care. All he wanted was to sleep, and if their hobbit could still stand, then it just meant he'd be the one keeping watch, and be the first to see death flying back to them.

Just as Dwalin started dozing off, he felt something move to his side. When he managed to open his eyes, it was to find Nori huddled against him, his usually so expressive face still a blank mask.

“Can you hold me?” the thief whispered. “Just a little, just... Dori's fallen asleep but I can't, I need...”

“Do you want to pretend I'm him?” Dwalin asked, putting one arm around the other's shoulders to pull him closer.

“Yes. No. Yes. I just... I can't sleep, not when he's... him and the others, and... I should have stayed with them. I _should_ have.”

“You'd be dead too, then,” Dwalin retorted, tightening his hold on Nori who didn't complain. The thought of losing him too...

Nori huddled closer still, closing his eyes in spite of his claims.

“I'm dead anyway. At least, they were probably lucky enough not to see it come, not to fear and... we're all dead, it's only a matter of time now.”

On an impulse, Dwalin kissed the thief's forehead. It was... a promise. A promise that Dwalin would protect Nori until the end, because he loved him, but also and almost more importantly because he had promised Fili. A silent promise, but still a binding one. It was also a gesture of comfort, such as Dwalin remembered his mother doing for him after Azanulbizar, when he was plagued by nightmare, and something he'd seen Fili do for her sister when she was little and got hurt. Maybe the prince had done that with Nori too sometimes. Maybe it would help Nori pretend that all was right, just for a few moments, that he was in Fili's arms again, just long enough to fall asleep as they waited for death.

Seconds laters, or maybe hours, Bilbo called for the dwarves outside. Dwalin ignored him, refusing to move when he had Nori in his arms, but Balin eventually got up to see what all the fuss was about. He walked slowly on his way outside, almost limping, but when he came back he was running like a young hare.

“The beast is dead,” he announced in a shaky voice. “Bard killed it.”

All those of them who hadn't fallen asleep yet turned to him, looking at the old dwarf as if he had gone mad. How could that man, that mere fisherman, have succeeded where warriors and kings had failed?

“What makes you think that?” Thorin asked, voice weak and broken.

“A thrush told me, one of the old line of messengers. It was there... saw it happened. Bard had the last black arrow, and there was a weakness in Smaug's scales... You know these birds don't lie, Thorin. We... Erebor is _free_.”

The silence changed then. From heavy it became light, and the early morning sun was no longer taunting them but rather a sign of hope. Smaug was dead.

“The children,” Thorin muttered. “My niblings... and the others, are they...”

“The bird doesn't know,” Balin confessed. “All it could tell me was that many had died, and that the town is destroyed for the most. But there are survivors too. The thrush saw them gather on land. There is hope...”

“But not much of it. Still, at least... at least we did not fail. Erebor is free. Erebor is _free_.”

Thorin repeated the words a few more times, as if testing them to see if he could believe them. For most of their lives they had been away from their homeland. Dwalin barely remembered how Erebor had been before Smaug. Most of what he knew, he knew it by listening to Thorin and Balin telling stories to Dis who had no memories of these better days. She had been so young when the dragon came... they _all_ had been. Nori and Ori had never known it at all, the first born during their wandering years and the other in Ered Luin. And now the mountain was free. They were free.

Dwalin did not realise he was crying until Nori wiped away his tears. The thief did not share their joy, his face still blank when even Bifur and Bombur, who were not even Longbeards, could find it in them to rejoice.

“He might have survived,” Dwalin started, but Nori stopped him with a finger to his lips.

“Don't. Just don't. Because if I start hoping, it will be worse when I realise he's really dead. Don't poison me with hope.”

Dwalin did not insist, and just kept Nori in his arms while the others, tired but excited, started making plans. He wasn't much good at planning anyway, and couldn't have helped them. But he could help Nori, or so he told himself.

 

There was a boat coming toward the mountain, and four people left it. Even in the distance, it was clear that these were no Men. Bifur, who had taken to watching the Lake, ran inside to tell them. Their friends, their kin, were alive, and coming back to them.

For the first time since Smaug had flown away, Nori dropped his blank mask. He ran to Bifur, asking him how sure of himself he was, and if any of them seemed injured. Slowly, his face changed, frowning at first and then, bit by bit, he started smiling as Bifur answered everyone's questions. Nori was alive again, moving again, finally looking around him and _seeing_ Erebor. While they waited for their friends to join them -Bifur had gone back outside to guide them- Nori grabbed Ori and went exploring around for a bit. Dwalin heard him laugh somewhere, and couldn't help smiling too.

The return of their lost group was a beautiful thing. Dwalin and Balin where the first to see them, but as soon as their voices rang in the room, the rest of the company rushed to meet them. Nori almost fell down a couple stairs and into Kili's arms, the princess laughing before she pushed him into her brother's arms. Fili was quick to pull Nori to him, holding him close and keeping him there longer than he probably should have, even daring to plant a quick kiss to the thief's neck, but everyone was too busy rejoicing to notice. Everyone except Dwalin, and he would say nothing.

But they were not the only happy ones. Kili was hugging everyone, and she did so several times in some cases -she even dragged Ori with her as she kept distributing hugs, refusing to let go of her friend. Bombur clang to his brother as if he never intended to let go as did Bifur, and even Gloin, who fancied himself stoic, shed some tears of joy at being reunited with his brother.

They were happy, they were free, they were rich and successful.

Things were good.

Dwaling should have known it wouldn't last.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everything goes to hell
> 
> warning for canon character death

It started with small things. So small Dwalin didn't pay attention at first. Fili's repeated mentions that Esgaroth had been destroyed by Smaug, and that it was their fault. Thorin's obsession with finding the Arkenstone. The thrush's return, bringing news of the elves coming to help the humans. Small things that were all normal but added up to slowly bring disaster. Dwalin should have paid attention, should have noticed, but he was... distracted.

After coming so near to losing each other, Fili and Nori had grown rather less careful than they should have been, and Dwalin found himself looking after them more often than he should have. Now more than ever he should have told Thorin what was going on, but instead he was protecting their secret. He had to. Fili was too happy with his lover to let him lose that, and the image of Nori's emptiness when he thought he had lost the prince... Dwalin couldn't bear to let that happen again, and he certainly wasn't going to _provoke_ it. It would be his happiness to see them happy. At least, he told himself so, and hoped it would be true.

He was rewarded for his efforts though. Privacy was easier to come by in Erebor than it ever had on the road, and no one minded too much if someone was gone for a long while. Fili and Nori didn't ask for Dwalin's help every time they disappeared, but they still did often enough.

Nori's body was becoming familiar to him. He knew where to caress or stroke and what to avoid, knew when he could be rough and when he had to be tender. There were freckles on Nori's shoulders and chest, and a few on his ass too, and there were small scars on his hands and arms. A bigger one, on Nori's hip, was a great place to lick and nip and suck to make the thief go wild. In return, Nori too knew which places to scratch to have Dwalin buck into him, his heels digging into the small of Dwalin's back to urge him on while he moaned into Fili's mouth.

Once, they arranged themselves so that Nori could suck Fili while Dwalin fucked him. It was the first time the prince took such an active part in their lovemaking, and while Dwalin found it awkward at first, he soon got used to it. Nori was so affected at having both of his lovers at the same time, moaning and whimpering and trying to get the most of both of them... Dwalin knew he would cherish that memory for a long time, no matter what happened next.

 

But what happened next was beyond Dwalin's worst fears. Their former allies threatening them, joining forces with Thranduil even to try and steal from them... They had to call Dain for help, surrounded as they were by an hostile army. That alone had been bad enough, but Bilbo had to betray them on top of it.

That... hurt. More than Dwalin would have imagined, and to be fair he had never imagined it. Bilbo had long ago proved his loyalty to Thorin, to them, and in spite of his race Dwalin saw him as kin now, as they all did. Bilbo was one of them. Except he wasn't, not really. Brave and clever he might have been, but hobbits knew nothing of war, of loss, of pride. Bilbo had probably meant well but he had still betrayed them, and that was unforgivable.

It was a sad day for them, as they awaited for news of Dain. He was their only hope now, more than ever, and if it came to war...

Of course it would come to war. Thranduil had such a hatred of their kind, and Thorin wouldn't, couldn't give away their wealth to elves who had more than once betrayed them. All they could do was wait. Dori, Bombur, Oin and Balin where looking for armour they could use, while Dwalin, Gloin and Bofur tried to find good weapons and ways to sharpen them. Bifur was on the look out, as often. Ori and Kili were supposed to be making arrows, but they mostly sat huddled together, scared of this war that was unlike any danger they had expected on this quest, a war against people who might have been friends. Thorin was in the treasure room, taking out his anger on anything he could find. As for Fili and Nori, they were nowhere to be found. There were so many places to be alone in Erebor, Dwalin couldn't blame them for wanting some moments to themselves.

 

Oin had joked, once, that the hobbit was their good luck charm.

It must have been true because once Bilbo turned against them, everything got worse. Elves and Men? That had been bad enough. But all of a sudden, there was an army of orcs at their door, forcing Dain's freshly arrived forces to get together with Bard and Thranduil to fight that common enemy.

“Keep an eye on Nori,” Fili asked Dwalin as they walked to the battlefield. “If anything happened to him... I know you don't approve, but please...”

“He's more worthy of you than anyone you've liked before,” Dwalin replied, “and also than anyone your parents wished you had liked. Of course I will protect my prince's beloved.”

Fili shot him a surprised look and smiled, a large, radiant smile that spoke of his love for Nori, but mostly of the importance of Dwalin's approval. He had known that boy all his life, cared for him and taught him... And now the lad was in love, loved in return, and Dwalin would protect that even at the cost of his own heart. He would make sure Nori came out of that battle untouched, and then he would help Fili in another battle, this time to be allowed to marry the one he wanted.

It seemed like a good plan.

It should have been a good plan.

The only problem was that neither of them ever paused to wonder if someone shouldn't keep an eye on Fili too.

 

It was Esgaroth's destruction all over again, but worse. There could be no doubt this time. If Azog's sword hadn't killed Fili, then the fall had.

The muffled sound of his body hitting the snow bellow, low as it had been, was one that Dwalin could never forget. Nor would he forget the terror on the young prince's face as the pale orc held him, and his last words, begging them to leave him... He had looked so small then. He had been such a brave and determined boy, it had been easy sometimes to forget his age... But then, held out in the air by that monster, Fili had been a child knowing he was going to die.

The sound of his fall haunted Dwalin as he ran after Thorin.

And when Azog would be dead, when they had killed him, they would return to the others and Dwalin would make sure that Nori was safe at last.

 

Azog did die.  
Eventually.

But not before Dwalin saw Kili's corpse.

And not before Thorin could be fatally wounded.

The pale orc might be dead, his armies might be defeated, but he had still won.

The line of Durin was broken at last, as Azog had sworn.

As they all gathered around Thorin's body, to pay a last homage to their kind, Dwalin's eyes met Nori's. They didn't say a word. They didn't need to. Nori went still, his face a mask again.

This time, there would be no miracle to give him life again.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> life after the battle

There was... a numbness to everything. Dwalin had been at Thorin's side all his life. He had served his king and supported his friend for as long as he could remember. There had never been a time in his life when Thorin wasn't there. Sometimes they each had their own business to conduct, yes, but Dwalin always did things with his cousin in mind.

But Thorin was gone now.

There was Dain, of course. The new king under the mountain, since Dis had refused the crown, refused to ever come back to Erebor. And Dain was a good king. He made peace with the Men and elves, helping the firsts and telling the second to come back without an army if they wanted to be treated as anything but enemies. He also sent a message for food and workers to be brought to Erebor, as well as anything they would need to survive that first winter. He had decided to stay in the mountain, just in case, while his wife ruled over the Iron Hills. Dain was a _good_ king.

He just wasn't Thorin.

He didn't try to be.

He didn't ask the company to serve them as they had served Thorin. He didn't demand immediate loyalty. He even gave them time to mourn, and only started giving orders once they started _asking_ for them. Dwalin was grateful for that, just as he was grateful when he was given something to do, and could work himself to exhaustion.

It was the only way he could sleep. If he didn't just pass out, then he was plagued by the memory of his cousins dying, the way he didn't manage to help them. If he had been faster, stronger... if he had killed this orc instead of that one...

“You did the best you could,” Balin told him sometimes. “A battle such as that one, with such odds... it's a miracle already we didn't lose more people.”

“I know,” Dwalin always answered, “but I was meant to protect them. I had promised Dis, and her mother before that. I was meant to _protect_ them.”

Balin, bless him, knew better than to insist. Nothing he could say would make Dwalin any less guilty of letting them die.

 

The only thing that hurt as much as his memories was to see Nori.

It didn't happen to often, thankfully. Nori was no longer a still and dead to the world as he had been right after the battle, but there was still something broken in him. He didn't eat, didn't drink, didn't wash nor even sleep unless someone was there to remind him to. Most of the time that person was Ori, who had appointed himself as his brother's caregiver. Everyone dealt with grief their own way, and Dori's strength was needed everywhere, so Ori had decided to help this way. On good days, he could work with Nori on small things. On bad days...

All Dwalin knew about bad days was that they existed, and that Nori wasn't seen when they happened.

As weeks passed, the good days became more frequent than the bad ones, and by the end of winter, Nori could sometimes work on his own while Ori explored the remains of one of the royal libraries. He even tried to smile sometimes, so his brothers wouldn't worry too much. They weren't fooled, and neither was Dwalin. He remembered the way Nori smiled when he talked with Fili, when he was proud of the prince... But all that was gone now. Nori was but a shadow of himself, all because Dwalin had not been good enough, hadn't managed to save Fili.

Nori knew it, too.

He had never talked to Dwalin once since the battle.

Which made it all the more surprising when one evening, the warrior opened the door of his house to find Nori there.

“Need to talk to you,” the thief said stiffly. “In private,” he added when he saw Balin was there too, and the old dwarf didn't question it and left, mumbling something about needing to see the king.

With a hand gesture, Dwalin invited Nori in, closing the door behind him. There was something different about the thief that night. Dwalin couldn't put his finger on it until he offered Nori a chair and the other dwarf refused it, starting to pace instead.

Movement.

Nori was _moving_ again. Nervously, shakily, but he was moving, the way he hadn't in months.

“What is it you wanted to talk about?” Dwalin asked, and he sat down, at little unnerved to see Nori so stressed.

“I'm with child,” Nori spat angrily, and that was about the last thing Dwalin would ever have expected.

He had done his best to always pull out before he could spill in Nori, but it had not always been easy, and it wasn't a very good contraception method anyway. If they'd had sheaths instead... but then, Fili and Nori would never have needed him of course.

“Don't know if it's yours,” Nori added, and he looked as if Dwalin had been silent too long for his comfort. “Fili and I... there was one time before the battle, it could be...” He stopped, his face crunching into a pained grimace, and it took him a few seconds to regain control of himself. “Nobody knows who sired it. I told Dori and he had no idea who it could be. Didn't tell him. Right now, he thinks I got it on with someone at the funeral banquet. Ori knows of course, but he'd never say anything about you, or about... he wouldn't betray the secret. He's a good boy. I'm... telling you because it's not like I can hide it. But I won't ask anything from you. Nobody ever has to know you sired a bastard. Your reputation is safe.”

That was so much information at once, it took a moment for Dwalin to process it all. He was going to have a child. Or Fili was going to. In any case, there was going to be a child born. A child, the first in Erebor freed, and it might be Dwalin's, or it might be Fili's, and in any case it was a blessing from Mahal, a sign of better days to come. The only thing Dwalin didn't understand was why Nori was talking of the child being a bastard.

“You don't want me to claim it?” he asked, and why would Nori want him to be part of his baby's life. Dwalin was nothing to him, just a replacement, just someone who played Fili's part when the prince couldn't. Dwalin was a stranger to him, in the end.

“Why would you want to claim it?” Nori retorted, looking away, arms crossed on his chest. “You hate me. You don't have to pretend, and you don't have to worry. No one will ever know. I know how you nobs hate being forced to admit you spilled seed in the wrong place.”

Dwalin clenched his fists. “When Fili came to me about your little idea, I knew there was a risk of a child,” he snapped. “I knew it and when I agreed, I knew I might have to help you raise that child, or even raise it on my own if you and Fili got to make your own family.” That was half a lie, because at the time he had been convinced that Fili would never marry Nori, but also half a truth, because he had come to that decision over the weeks. “You don't want me involved in that child's life? Fine. They never have to even meet me. But it doesn't have to be that way. I'll claim the child if you let me, and help you care for it, and make sure that it gets the best master there is for any craft is chooses, that it never lacks for anything. Your child will only be a bastard if you want it to be. And if you do want it, I will accept it. But if you let me be a father...”

He had to stop there, overwhelmed by the thought. A father. He could be a father. He had long ago accepted that it probably wouldn't happen. When he'd been younger there had been too much to do to help Thorin, and he had been too broken by the aftermath of Azanulbizar. By the time he had put the pieces of himself back together, he had been too old, with a reputation that drew away anyone of noble birth and the fear of dishonouring his family if he ever settled with a commoner. He'd thought he'd never have a child, and now Mahal was giving him this chance...

“It might be Fili's,” Nori protested, but he didn't sound so bitter anymore.

“And you think that would make me love it less? Want it less?”

Mahal help him, he would simply adore the child if it were Fili's. He almost hoped it would be.

It must not have been the reaction Nori expected though. He stared at Dwalin with a slight frown, but his body was less tense, his pacing less nervous.

“I thought you'd tell me to go to hell with my bastard,” the thief confessed after a while. “I thought you'd accuse me of lying if I said it could be Fili's...” he stopped walking, and looked at Dwalin as if seeing him for the first time. “I never know what to expect with you. You're not... what I expect you to be.”

That sounded both like an insult and a compliment, but Dwalin let it slide.

“Take some time to think about it,” he said instead. “I will claim the child if you let me, and even if you don't want that I'll provide for it as well as I can, and make sure nothing ever stands in its way, bastard or not.” Or rather, he'd put Balin to work since he was the one with a network, but the result would be the same. “It is your child, you're allowed your choices and I will respect them, but... anything you ask of me for the child's sake I will do.”

“A dangerous promise to make to a lowborn thief,” Nori sneered, looking away. “What if I just take advantage of you? Can't trust a bastard, anyone knows that.”

Nori's pacing had slowed until he stopped, that dreadful stillness taking hold of him again as he crossed his hands on his stomach. It made Dwalin want to punch people in the face, and one of these people was himself for the suspicion with which he had treated Nori for so long. It had been easy, back then, to think that Nori didn't care what people said about him. No matter what Gloin or Bofur or Dwalin threw at his face, the thief had just laughed it off, as if he'd heard worse and none of it mattered.

That he had heard worse Dwalin didn't doubt it, but it didn't mean that every new insult didn't hurt too.

“I'm not trusting a bastard,” he replied. “I am trusting a friend, and someone who had the entire trust and love of my prince. I am trusting you, Nori, and if you take advantage of me so be it, because I know you'd make sure it would profit the child in the end.”

This had been meant to comfort Nori, to assure him that he wouldn't be alone with the child even if he did things Dwalin didn't approve. But to the warrior's horror, the thief's whole body started trembling, his breaths shaky little gasps that he was trying to silence. Dwalin desperately tried to think of something to say, something to calm Nori, and it took him longer than it should have to realise that the other dwarf wasn't holding back tears.

Nori was laughing.

Nori was laughing, and Dwalin must have looked shocked because when the thief glanced at him, he stopped being silent and his voice rang clear and loud in the room. Nori was laughing, so much that there were tears at the corner of his eyes, so much that he had to sit down because his legs couldn't hold him. Nori laughed and laughed, and Dwalin couldn't even think of feeling insulted to be mocked that way because Nori was laughing, and it was a small miracle.

“You're such a sap,” Nori eventually managed to gasp, smiling and crying. “I swear, I'll make sure the kid doesn't turn out like you.” He took a deep breathe, and his smile turned kinder. “Well, maybe a little like you. You're... a good dwarf. Too good maybe. But as my mam often says, the world could do with more people that are a little too good.”

Dwalin smiled back.

It was only later that he realised this was his first time smiling since the battle.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baby stuff, and getting emotional about a character who we know nothing about except his year of birth and death

Nori, encouraged by Dwalin, took a few days to think about the situation, and unsurprisingly he allowed him to claim the child.

As soon as he was alone again, Dwalin went to tell his brother. There was a chance that Balin might disagree and try to have him change his mind, so he wanted to lose no time in making his decision known.

Balin, however, simply grinned.

“I thought something like that might happen. Now, don't be so shocked. I'm old, not _blind_ , and I've seen the way you look at him. You've always had a type, and I've always known if I had in-laws someday, they'd be more likely to be merchants or miners than noble warriors. I've had time to make my peace with it, and Nori is... he's a clever lad, and I get along with his brothers, so this is all rather pleasant for me. And I'll have a nibling! Really, brother, this is a wonderful turn of events, and I am happy for you.”

His words taken from him by emotion, Dwalin could only hug his brother tight. With Balin accepting, _approving_ , the child's future could only be bright.

 

Dori was... less happy about it. It took all of Nori's talent and charm to convince him that the child had been conceived _before_ the battle, not after, and so that Dwalin hadn't taken advantage of his brother's state in any way. Dwalin felt hurt that such a thing could be suspected of him, but it was clear that Nori's family had had unpleasant encounters with rather cruel and entitled nobles. He could not blame them for being suspicious. All he could do was act right and show them that he would not hurt Nori and the child.

With time, Dori did warm up to the idea. He too must have noticed that even if Nori still had his bad days, at least the good ones were better lately. There was only one thing that still bothered him, and he asked Dwalin about it one afternoon, when they were alone, waiting for Nori and Ori to return from an errand.

“Will you marry my brother?” Dori asked, pouring tea for Dwalin, his voice light but his body tense.

The question surprised Dwalin. He'd never even considered it. He could claim the child without marrying Nori after all. It was less frequent for people of his rank of course, but Nori was a commoner. They married for love only, if even then, and Dwalin respected that.

“Nori didn't ask me to marry him. I have promised to help him care for the child, and I make no demands in return.”

“But you _would_ marry him if you could,” Dori accused.

It was a tempting dream. Nori wearing in his hair a bead that said he was part of Dwalin's family. Living together, seeing Nori laugh and smile, comforting him when bad days were upon him. Getting to bed with him again, and be the one to kiss him that time...

It was a pleasant dream.

Dwalin knew it would never be anything else.

“I care for Nori more than he cares for me,” he told Dori. “I know it, and I ask nothing from him. Seeing him and the child happy and cared for will already be more than I could have hoped for.”

“Does Nori know...”

“No, and I don't intend to tell him.”

Dori's eyes narrowed for a second, his lips pinched tight. Whatever he saw in Dwalin must have been good though. Instead of the dreadful bits of cram he usually served with tea, Dori went to get a small box of proper biscuits, sweet and pleasant on the tongue. Dwalin thanked him for it, and from then on, Dori treated him again with the same camaraderie they'd shared on the quest.

 

Nori's pregnancy was mercifully uneventful. It was also the excuse for much rejoicing, and everyone agreed that it was a sign of Mahal, a blessing to Erebor reborn. At least, everyone who mattered agreed. There were some dwarves of the Iron Hills, former nobles of Erebor who had taken refuge there, who were offended that this would be the first child born in the mountain in over a century. The bastard of a bastard, they said it would be, until one of them made the mistake of saying that near Dwalin. He got a broken nose out of it, and the message quickly passed around that even though he would not marry the bearer, Dwalin was very much claiming his child.

Nori laughed when he was told about it.

He still laughed rarely, but he no longer had that deathly stillness to him that had worried them all during that cold winter. He even teased his brother once more. Dori huffed and puffed at his jokes, but always smiled as he complained about Nori, glad that he was starting to come back to them.

 

When his belly started to grow round, Nori decided he would move in with Dwalin and Balin. He found all sorts of excuses for it, saying he didn't want to deal with Dori's fussiness, Ori's sleep would be too disturbed by a baby, Dwalin lived far closer to Oin in case of problem. Some of Nori's reasons were good enough, but Dwalin still felt unsure about that. He certainly would love to see the child daily, and watch it grow, but he feared that while living in such close quarters, his feelings for Nori would show too much. He worried, until Nori was moved him and finally told him _why_.

“I don't know what it's like to have two parents,” Nori confessed. “I'm not complaining, because I had my mam and Dori and the few relatives of ours that survived, but I've always wondered what it's like, having two parents. Mam and Dori didn't get that either. I want to see if it's as great as everyone says, and if it'll really make the kid's life as much better as I've heard.”

“People haven't been kind to you, have they?” Dwalin realised with no small amount of guilt. He'd been one of these people.

Nori shrugged, his posture more tense now.

“People treated us like bastards, because that's what we were. Lots of kids grow without one of their parents and that's fine, but when the parent who's not around won't even acknowledge you're related to them, well... why should anyone else give it a chance if your own kin saw you weren't worth shit?”

Dwalin's horror must have shown on his face, because Nori grimaced and made himself laugh.

“Come on, I don't really believe that,” he sneered, his light tone belied by how still he was. “Maybe when I was a kid... but I'm a grown dwarf now. We had that cousin, he used to say that if life gave us nothing, we had to take it anyway. Said we had to make ourselves better than other dwarves, because if we had no pride for ourselves, no one would.”

“The child will have it easier then,” Dwalin promised. “We'll be proud of them, even when they're not. I will be proud, and let it be known, and Mahal have mercy on anyone who says the child doesn't deserve pride.”

Nori laughed again, but this time he sounded more sincere. Dwalin would not say it aloud because he knew Nori might think he was mocking him, but the warrior swore to himself he'd let it be known he was proud of the other dwarf too.

“Yeah, that little one won't be like its thief of a father,” Nori agreed, one hand on his stomach and a fond smile on his lips. “We've got to start thinking of a name, by the way. Dori's pestering me with that. Wants to start embroidering stuff for the kids, and he wants to have a name to put there so...”

“Do you want to name it in the style of your family?”

“No point in you claiming it if we're going to name it like a bastard.”

“How about Frerin then?” Dwalin suggested.

Nori threw him a long, appraising look.

“You found that pretty quick. Did you give it much thought then?”

“The prince was my friend,” Dwalin replied with a shrug, avoiding to look at Nori. “Never thought I'd have a kid, but I've always found it's a good name. Frerin was... good. Not a warrior, but he was smart and kind and... happy.”

It was the memory that stuck to him, even decades after. Frerin smiling. Even during their wandering years, Frerin never lost hope, and he never lost his heart. Everything was so bleak and terrible back then, but Frerin always went looking for small acts of kindness to do, for ways to make people smile when they felt more like crying. Thror, Thrain and Thorin were working to find everyone a home, a place where they'd be safe again, but Dwalin had always thought that what Frerin did was just as important in its own way.

He still wondered, sometimes, how different things would have been if Frerin hadn't died.

They'd found a safe place in Ered Luin, but Frerin might have make it feel like home.

“If you don't like it, we'll think of something else,” Dwalin said.

“No, it's nice enough,” Nori replied gently. “Smart, kind and happy... I want the kid to be all these things too. Frerin is a good name.”

Dwalin could have kissed Nori for that answer.

But then again, he could have kissed Nori just for being Nori.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eh, so, this is the last finished chapter I have  
> and since things have moved from hopelessness and despair to, you know, healthier stuff, I'm starting to have more trouble writing as usual, so who even knows when this will update again


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baby things

Frerin was born a few days before the anniversary of the battle. He was a small but healthy baby, with pale blue eyes and the faintest hints of blond hair on his head. Dwalin cried when the child was first put in his arms, small fragile thing to hold in his big dangerous hands, a treasure most precious than any in the treasure room. It was Fili's child, without a doubt, and Nori's, and it was Dwalin's too, his son, his child to love and protect and teach and help become a good dwarf. Dwalin planted a careful kiss on Frerin's delicate head. His child.

Soon though, Dwalin gave the baby back to Nori. He didn't fully trust himself with it, would never trust himself with children so young. Dis used to laugh at him for how overtly careful he was with her son when they were tiny like that.

“You did a wonderful job,” Dwalin told Nori, kissing his forehead and earning a tired smile. “Never seen a prettier baby. And how are you?”

“Like I spent a couple hours getting a kid the size of a small cat out of my cunt,” Nori mumbled sleepily. “But I've been worse. And course he's pretty. Takes after his dads.”

Dwalin chuckled happily, and couldn't resist another affectionate kiss, this time to Nori's temple.

“I will go claim the child right away, and then I'll come back here. Is there anything you'd like?”

“Wanna sleep for about two weeks. Maybe more.”

That was something Dwalin couldn't give him, so instead the warrior decided he'd see with Dori if they could get Nori's favourite foods for him. Maybe their mother could help, too. She'd arrived only a couple weeks before, and was probably tired from helping with the birth when she hadn't recovered from the trip yet, but she'd certainly have a few ideas.

Dwalin needed to see her anyway. It was part of the claiming process for unmarried parents. First Dwalin went to his kitchen to talk to Ari, to recognise that he had sired the child, and would provide for him. What 'provide' meant really changed from case to case, but Dwalin made it very clear in his declaration that he would not abandon Nori and Frerin. With that out if the way, he chatted quickly with his son's grandmother, about things he could get for Nori. According to Ari, her second son had a soft spot for tea with honey. Honey they had, because Dwalin had a sweet tooth, but tea he would have to buy. Thankfully, such little luxuries were easier to find in Erebor lately, though there was not much choice yet.

Next, Dwalin had to talk to his brother. As often, Balin was with king Dain, one of his trusted advisors now, just as he had been for Thorin. That worked just great for Dwalin. Dain was very distant kin but could still be counted as such, and it added weight to his words when he told his brother that his child was born, a son whom he would raise.

“I welcome your son in the family,” Balin replied as was tradition. “A child for your joy, a dwarf for your older days, a future for our family. When will you do the public announcement?”

“Right away. Nobody dares say a thing in front of me, but I know what they think of Nori. I want to make it clear I don't have a single doubt the child is mine. I won't let them _gossip_.”

It was the last part of claiming a child, one that he'd have done even if they had been married. Going to a public square and publicly announcing the birth.

Doing so got him a few curious looks from Iron Hills dwarves. The claiming tradition had died out there, and even dwarves originally from Erebor had stopped doing it when they had fled there. Maybe it would eventually disappear in Erebor too, but for now Dwalin was glad it existed. Let anyone call his son a bastard now that he had acknowledged him in front of a good quarter of the dwarves in the mountain!

Frerin was his child now, and Dwalin would not let anyone insult him or Nori. Maybe someday Nori would tell Dori and his mother, and allow Balin to know... and Ori would guess on his own for certain... but if anyone else ever hinted that Frerin's parentage was suspicious, they would know the wrath of a dwarf who had survived two wars and a dragon.

But with some luck, he would never have to. So Dwalin, with a smile on his lips, went to a shop where he was sure to find tea, or else to be told where it could be bought.

Nori more than deserved it.

 

Caring for a child was not all that Dwalin had expected. There were a lot of nappies to change and wash, far more than he'd ever imagined. There was also very little sleep to be had: Frerin was in a room of his own with Nori, but he had a voice that carried quite well.

At least he was a cheerful baby, and that certainly helped when Nori went still.

Oin had warned Dwalin that it happened sometimes, that some bearer were at a loss after the birth of their child, and that with Nori's problems during the previous winter, it was a real risk. And indeed Nori, who had made such a good recovery during the previous months, relapsed. For hours on hand he would sit in a chair or lie in bed, unmoving, face blank. Usually, Frerin's cries would rouse him and he took care of the child. At other times, not even his son's screams could pierce through his prison of silence, and whoever was around had to care for Frerin.

There always was someone around. It was often Ari or Dori, who both loved having a new child to care for, but Dwalin made arrangements to be home as often as he could. He had promised to be there for Frerin, and this was part of it. It seemed to surprise Nori, each time he came back to the world and found Dwalin holding Frerin, but judging by his smile it was not a bad surprise.

 

And there were good days too. Days when Nori was fully alive and would sing Frerin to sleep before cooking for everyone who might be around the house. If he was feeling very generous, he even sometimes let Dwalin taste things before they were finished, which according to Ori was a great honour. Nori was a good cook, although he was not what most people thought of when they said that. It was obvious he'd only ever been taught the basics, and that he'd figured out the rest for himself. He was most at ease which cheap ingredients, mixed with expensive spices that, according to him, didn't cost so much when you bought them where they were made. Some of his recipes reminded Dwalin of travels far away in the East and South, whereas others were entirely new and surprising. Balin took a while to get used to it, having never travelled as much as his brother, but even he agreed that it was an improvement compared to what the two of them used to eat.

Dwalin loved it when Nori was well enough to cook. Not just because of the food, but also because it gave him a chance to take care of Frerin. If the child woke up while Nori was in the kitchen, Dwalin could go pick him up. He was a tiny baby, looking so small in Dwalin's big strong arms. Everyone told him that Frerin wasn't so small, but Dwalin couldn't believe them. And this small, delicate little child, trusted him enough to sleep in arms powerful enough to crush an orc's skull.

Whenever Frerin fell asleep like that, Dwalin would stop breathing for a couple seconds, amazed by that trust.

It made the rest of the family fairly envious, too. Frerin rarely fell asleep on them, but it was almost guaranteed to happen if Dwalin picked him up. Ari teased him about using some sort of magic for it, while Ori tried to copy everything Dwalin did in hopes that he too could have a sleeping baby on his lap, in vain. His efforts always made Nori laugh if he was on a good day.

“You won't do it,” he told Ori once. “It's a Dwalin thing. Such big nice arms... there's nothing like it to feel safe and warm. No surprise the kid goes to sleep that easy. I'm sure I would too, held all tender by a big strong dwarf.”

Dwalin blushed at that, but no one seemed to notice. They didn't even pay him attention at that moment. It was nothing unusual to have Nori tease and half flirt with him, the way he did with most of his friends. It didn't mean anything, it was just the way Nori was when he felt very good about himself. Dwalin still liked it, if only because it meant the other dwarf saw him as some sort of a friend.

It would have made things a good deal easier if he too could have seen Nori as a friend.

It certainly would have made a few things less awkward.

For the first few months, Dwalin always made sure to look away when Nori was feeding Frerin. It seemed like the decent thing to do. There was nothing sexual about breast-feeding, at least not for him. He knew some people were aroused by the idea of it, but he had never seen the appeal. Still, he did not want to act as if he had the right to see any naked part of Nori, not when the other dwarf had never given any sign that he could be interested in Dwalin as a lover, now that there was no one to bring them together.

It all worked very well until Frerin started teething and became a bit rougher with his bearer when he was eating. Dwalin tried his best to ignore it, but it was hard to push back memories whenever Nori let out a pained gasp.

Nori, of course, didn't help.

“Maybe it's yours after all,” he joked once when they were alone. “He's a biter too.”

“Look at that, I got bruises now,” he said another time, showing off his chest and Dwalin had to look, didn't he? “I haven't been marked like that since the quest. I look like an old apple...”

Dwalin never knew what to answer. Saying that Nori still looked perfect might have betrayed his feelings. Agreeing would have been rude. He usually settled for a grunt that could have meant anything. Nori clearly enjoyed seeing him embarrassed, and sometimes Dwalin hoped... but he teased his brothers the same way, sometimes even more than he did Dwalin.

And it was fine, Dwalin frequently reminded himself. Having Nori act friendly, act comfortable around him was already more than he could ever have hoped.

Nori was getting better and better, and Frerin was a healthy, good natured child. Together they made a happy little family, even if an unconventional one.

Dwalin would have had to be an entitled fool to ask for more than that.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first words and happy things!

It started as a normal day. Dwalin was off duty from the royal guard, and lying around the house with Frerin in his arms. Nori was on a good day, and had decided to bake more cake than they could ever eat, even if they invited the whole company and their families. He did that sometimes, and gave away half of it to families who had come to Erebor not to reclaim their past, but because life couldn't be worse there than it had been where they came from. Nori was good at finding such families, and he was good also at finding someone to give them work so that life in Erebor truly was better for them.

It was a nice day. Frerin had just given up pulling on Dwalin's beard, and was now very interested in what Nori was doing. He even tried to escape to the ground to go have a look, but Dwalin kept him firmly but gently on his lap. The smell of cooking pastry was a torture for him too, but he knew better than to bother Nori when he was in the kitchen, and Frerin would have to learn too.

After having put some pastries to bake, Nori came to sit on the sofa for a short break. Frerin desperately wriggled in Dwalin's arms, reach out for his other father.

“Look at that little worm trying to slip away,” Nori laughed. “I'll teach you how to properly escape when you're a little older. Your adad is pretty good at that, yes he is!”

“Dada!” Frerin cried in answer, pushing against Dwalin unti he managed to grab Nori's sleeve. “Dada!”

There was a short second of silence before Nori reached out to take Frerin in his arms and held him close.

“That's right, I'm your adad!” Nori laughed, kissing the toddler's forehead.”You're such a clever little boy, already talking!”

“Dada!” Frerin replied, and then repeated it several times, clearly very happy with the results he'd gotten from it.

Dwalin could hardly breathe. Frerin had started uttering random syllables a while ago, but it was the first time he so clearly intended to talk. Their son's first word. Frerin was starting to speak, and it should have been wonderful, but all Dwalin could think about was Dis's joy when Fili has started talking, and how they'd all tried to get the young prince to say their names. It had been long ago but not so long that Dwalin couldn't remember it clearly, and thinking of Fili's first words reminded him of his last, of the look on that boy's face, of the sound of his body....

“We need to get everyone for diner tonight,” Nori claimed, getting up with Frerin in his arms. “I need to cook actual food too. This calls for celebration! Our clever little boy is talking. Aren't you so clever?” he asked the child, bringing their forehead together. “Of course you are. You've got such smart adads, how could you not be the cleverest little thing ever?” He turned to Dwalin then, and smiled kindly. “Can you go tell my family to come over? And I need to check if I have what I need to cook...”

“Do you want me to put Frerin to bed while you cook?” Dwalin asked, and Nori's joy was so contagious that he barely had to force his own smile.

“No, no. It'd be like punishing him, when he's being such a big boy! Would you be fine taking him with you?”

It was easy enough for Dwalin to have Frerin in a sling and still carry other things, and Nori liked to take advantage of that. He could do it too, but he couldn't carry as much, and he tired much quicker, so he liked to joke that everyone should use a warrior to raise a child. Besides Dwalin loved it. It was a comfort to be able to use his strength for something like that, to be more than a warrior... Nori often asked him to help that way when Dwalin was dwelling on the past, come to think of it. Maybe he had noticed and was trying to help, just as Dwalin helped him on bad days.

 

With Frerin strapped against his chest, Dwalin went to see Nori's family. There was no point in buying too much food if they were already otherwise engaged for the evening.

Thankfully, the three of them were free, and delighted both of the invitation and the reason before it. Only Ori was a little disappointed; he'd taken to speaking in elvish to the child, in hopes that his first word would be in that language. It was his idea of a joke apparently. Scholars had a sense of fun that Dwalin didn't always understand, but he did like that Ori was joking at all. He had become rather grim since Nori had moved out, apparently spending more time at work or in the royal crypt than he did at home. It was good that he was getting better. They all were, slowly, or so Dwalin hoped.

“Should we bring anything?” Ari asked. “Dessert perhaps?”

“Nori's been baking all afternoon,” Dwalin replied, “so that should be fine. He just really wants to celebrate this, you don't have to...”

“I want to celebrate too,” Ari retorted. “My first grandson has said his first word! First grandchild and likely to be the last, I rather want to make a big deal of everything. Oh, we could bring something to drink... wine and cider maybe, don't you agree, Dori?”

Dori agreed, and they talked for a moment about what to bring. Once or twice Ori gave his opinion, while Dwalin was asked to remind them of what Nori intended to cook. He did so distractedly, a bit surprised by what Ari had said.

He knew that Dori wasn't much interested in romance and sex, and that he was unlikely to ever have children. There had been talks about such things during the quest sometimes, when they were bored and not yet tired enough to sleep. Dori had told to Bifur once or twice that he didn't think any lover could give him the same joy as taking care of his family -Bifur liked to argue that the two weren't incompatible, but they always agreed that all dwarves had different needs.

But Ori wasn't like his oldest brother. He'd boasted about past flirts and crushes with the royal siblings, men and women, seeding and bearer. And he was very young still, and pretty... not to mention rich and famous, a great match for anyone. But he hadn't protested when his mother had said Frerin would be her only grandchild, hadn't reacted in any way. It was... odd. Wrong. He'd have to drop a word about it to Nori someday. They'd all thought that Ori was holding his own well after having lost two dear friends in the battle, but maybe he too had shattered into pieces and hadn't yet found a way to pull himself back together.

But that would come later. After listening to Ari talk with her sons for a while, and the lot of them cooing over Frerin a little, Dwalin had to leave, or else Nori wouldn't have enough time to cook.

 

It was a fine evening. Nori had outdone himself while cooking, and he was in a better mood than Dwalin had seen him since... a long time. Everyone chatted and laughed as they ate, sharing childhood anecdotes of all sorts. Balin ans Dori laughed together at the plight of older brothers, while Dwalin had the surprise to learn that Nori was a quieter child than Ori, at least when he was very young.

“It didn't last,” Ari sighed theatrically while Nori stuck out his tongue at her. “Once he figured out how to run, he never really stopped.”

They all laughed at that, Nori loudest of them all, and he started telling some childhood stories of his own, which had Dori and Ari half scandalised when they didn't know the tale already, while Dwalin could only hope that he'd manage to teach Frerin to have a better sense of danger than his bearer. It would not be difficult. Ice in the sun was better at self preservation than Nori.

After serving desserts though, Nori went to check on Frerin and did not come back. When Dwalin went to their room to see if everything was fine, he found Nori sitting on his bed, the baby starting to fall asleep on his lap and Nori himself looking just as tired. It was not such a surprise after all he'd done that day. Dwalin signed at him that he'd take care of the rest of the evening, and went back to the others. At hearing that Nori had grown too tired to be with them anymore, Ari sighed fondly, and decided that she'd come around the following morning to help with cleaning everything, and to check that her son was fine. Dwalin agreed to the second, but not to the first.

“Nori cooks, I wash,” he explained. “I don't mind it, and it's a fair way of sharing work. That's our arrangement.”

Ari didn't protest, but she looked at him as if she'd never really seen him before. She had the same eyes as Nori, and the same surprise every time someone of noble birth treated her or her children as equals. Someday, Dwalin would find out who was responsible for that, and he'd make them regret it.

Eventually, Ari and her sons went home, promising that next time they'd be the one holding the party. Balin helped with a few things, but Dwalin sent him away quickly. His brother had to be up early in the morning, and Dwalin could deal with a bit of washing up on his own. It was a relaxing thing to do he'd found out, and he even enjoyed it sometimes.

When he was done washing, Dwalin went again to check on Nori, just in case. Bad mood could struck him quickly when he was tired. Thankfully, that was not the case that night. Instead the thief was lying on the bed, playing quietly with Frerin.

“He woke up again when everyone left,” Nori explained when he noticed Dwalin. “Can you come and work your magic on him?”

Dwalin laughed, and carefully sat on the edge of the bed. Frerin immediately crawled to him, and tried to climb on his lap. Dwalin helped him with that before kissing his forehead and rocking the child in his arms. Looking up at them, Nori smiled, tired but happy.

“He really doesn't want to sleep,” Nori yawned after a while, when even Dwalin couldn't calm down their son.

“I can take him to my room,” the older dwarf offered. It was not often that Frerin slept with him, but it wouldn't be a first either.

“No, stay here,” Nori replied sleepily, grabbing Dwalin's tunic as if to prevent him from leaving. “Maybe he'll sleep if you lie down too.”

“I might fall asleep too if I do that,” the older dwarf confessed.

Nori shrugged, and tugged on Dwalin's tunic to encourage him to lie down.

“It's okay if you spend the night here,” he yawned. “You'll keep us warm. And it'd been ages since I've slept with someone who doesn't wake me up because they pooped in their sleep. I miss it.”

“I miss it too,” Dwalin replied before he could stop himself.

“Hm... then maybe you should start sleeping here,” Nori mumbled, tugging more firmly until Dwalin finally laid down on the bed, their son carefully cradled between them. “And if you're ever up for a fuck, we can let Frerin sleep here and sneak to your room. I've missed that too.”

Dwalin took a sharp breath and looked at Nori... but the younger dwarf had closed his eyes already, snuggled close. It must just have been exhaustion speaking then. Or maybe not. Nori was getting better, maybe he was starting to think of such things again, and he already knew what to expect of Dwalin...

But that would be a problem for later, when they wouldn't be so tired. For now, Dwalin threw an arm around both Frerin -who was finally dozing off again- and Nori, keeping them both close.

Keeping his _family_ close.

 


	10. Chapter 10

“I meant what I said last night,” Nori said at breakfast while he was trying to make Frerin eat stewed apples. “If you feel like a shag someday.”

Dwalin looked up from his piece of bread. He hadn't expected Nori to be the one to bring that up again. And indeed, the younger dwarf was stiff on his chair, eyes on their son's meal. He seemed ready for a fight more than for talking about sex, and that was not good. Before Dwalin could find a way to explain that he was very interested only if Nori was comfortable with it, the thief spoken again.

“I know I shouldn't be thinking about that,” he grunted. “I know how nobs feel about... love and having a One and all that, and don't you dare go thinking I didn't love Fili because I did, I do, I always will. He's dead but I miss him, and I hope I'll still miss him for years to come, because I don't want to forget him. I loved him.”

“I know,” Dwalin replied. “He loved you too.”

Nori took a deep breath, as if the words hurt him.

“I'm not turning to stone just because Fili is dead. I enjoyed sex before I met him. I still want it now. Judge me all you want, but...”

“I'm not judging you,” Dwalin protested. “And I'm not against the idea of being lovers if you want to.” That was the understatement of the century, but Nori was certainly not in a state for grand declarations at that point. “I'll also understand if you'd rather go to someone else. You don't have to settle with me just because of Frerin.”

It would hurt if Nori took someone else as his lover, but Dwalin would rather have that pain than know Nori was bedding him because he thought this was his only option.

And there it was again, Nori's surprised look at being treated kindly. Dwalin wondered if Fili too had been on the receiving end of that look -or had Nori known the prince was kind to all regardless of rank – and if he had hated it as much as Dwalin did.

“I wouldn't be _settling_ for you,” Nori admitted, turning away and blushing. “You're... it was fun, when we... I liked it. I really did. And I trust you, so there's not anyone else I'd rather fuck right now?”

He sounded so unsure that Dwalin almost pulled him in his arms to tell him how he felt. But Nori had made it clear that he still loved Fili, and all he was offering Dwalin was to take pleasure in each other. Dwalin didn't want to ask more than he was given, and he wasn't so selfless that he wanted to risk making Nori change his mind.

“I'd love to,” Dwalin said. “Anytime you like, it will be my pleasure.”

“Yeah, and mine,” Nori chuckled. “I trust you with _that_ , too.”

 

Some time passed after that conversation without either of them talking about it again. Dwalin had some busy weeks with the guards, dealing with a succession of burglaries. Dain tried to joke about it, saying that the return of organised crime meant Erebor really had a promising future. But Dwalin found nothing to laugh at. He _could_ understand individual thieves and poachers like Nori, people who had had no other choice for one reason or another, but organised crime _enraged_ him. Ring leaders took advantage of people's weakness, of their desperation. They used anyone who fell between their hands and only yo threw them away when they could no longer bring in enough money. People like that killed more dwarves than orcs ever had, and it was just _wrong_.

Dwalin exhausted himself trying to get to the leaders, trying to find who they were.

In the end, all it took was to talk about it to Balin in front of Nori one evening after dinner.

“Sounds like Geran the Orc,” Nori said without lifting his eyes from Frerin whom he was playing with. “Burglary, that's her thing. She's got a thrift shop or two I'll bet, and what she doesn't sell again there, she'll trade with her associates from the east for whatever _they_ stole and couldn't sell home.”

“Geran the _Orc_?” Dwalin repeated. “And you know how she works?”

Nori hunched up, going still.

“She says she's half orc,” he muttered. “Shaves her entire body to go with her story, and she's had her teeth filled into points. It's all a trick to make herself more impressive though, she's just a very tall dwarf with a very ruthless mind. Pretty sure even orcs would think she's too much.” He hesitated, and sighed. “I took a job for her once... years ago, when mam got pregnant with Ori... she wasn't so young anymore and she got pretty sick from it and... I only took the one job, and I made sure Geran didn't know anything about me, so she couldn't force me to work for her again. I didn't like the way she wanted things done, didn't like the sort of people she wanted to target... but mam needed to see a healer and Dori's job alone wasn't enough to pay for it.”

At some other time, Dwalin might have paid more attention to Nori's posture, to the tone of his voice. He was tired though, exhausted even, and the renewed hope that he might put an end to that wave of crime was all he had in mind.

“Can you describe her precisely?” he asked Nori. “Anything you can say will help.”

“You can't arrest her,” Nori whispered. “You can't prove anything. She's too good. She'd get out again, and then...”

He shuddered, his whole body trembling with it, and at last Dwalin saw it. Nori had been ready to face a dragon with little hesitation, but he was afraid of _one_ dwarf.

Balin saw it too, and he put a hand on Nori's shoulder.

“Things were... _difficult_ in Ered Luin,” the old dwarf said. “There were not enough guards, and they were not organised properly. Most people who knew how to run things had been killed by Smaug or by orcs. But Dain is an experienced ruler, with experienced advisers and people who know how to make things work. If that Geran is arrested and tried, we'll make sure she doesn't come after you, or anyone else who might testify against her.”

Nori nodded distantly, holding Frerin close to him even though the baby had started trying to wriggle away. All the more reason to arrest that Geran, Dwalin thought fiercely. No one was allowed to scare Nori. There was not much Dwalin could do right then and there, but he did grab Nori and pulled both him and Frerin in a gentle hug, surrounding both of them with strong arms that would protect them if it came to it. _No one_ would hurt his family.

 

Having Nori's testimony helped more than Dwalin had thought. With the details he now knew, former associates of Geran were more willing to cooperate, believing that someone else had already betrayed her before them. In less than a week he had enough material to arrest Geran. That did not go easily, and a few guards were wounded in the process. Dwalin himself didn't escape without a few scratches. Balin chuckled when he saw them, as he often did when his brother returned from a fight with a few marks. Nori, on the other hand, took a look at the scrape on Dwalin's cheek, and went still for a few seconds before rushing out of the house.

Dwalin did not pay it much attention. He was tired and relieved that he'd done something _good_ for Erebor. Something to protect Thorin's kingdom, even if he hadn't managed to protect his old friend.

“You look like you could sleep for a few days, brother,” Balin suggested. “Get to bed, I'll bring you something to eat and drink.”

Dwalin grunted in agreement. “Is Frerin here?”

“No, Ari picked him up this morning. Nori wanted to work on something.”

That was too bad, because Dwalin would have loved nothing more than to spend some time with Frerin and maybe even nap with him. Something good and innocent, to remind him that the people he'd just had to fight were not was being a dwarf was supposed to be. But that could wait until Ari brought back her grandson, and he'd just sleep until then.

And sleep he did. Dwalin barely managed to put away his weapons before he dropped on his bed fully dressed, weeks of exhaustion and worry finally catching up with him. It was not a pleasant rest though, the troubles of the day stirring up memories of past battles. In dreams, the faces of guards melted into those of everyone he'd lost to orcs, while Geran slowly turned into Azog and laughed in his face as she raised Fili's body above emptiness, the prince too changing to become his son right as the pale orc lowered his sword...

It was a relief to wake up.

It was even better to see some bread and cheese on a tray by his bed, and Nori sitting against the wall. Dwalin sat up smiling, glad that the dream had been just that, that he was home and safe. His smile disappeared when he noticed the way Nori was glaring at him, angrier than Dwalin had ever seen him.

“You nobs, you all think you're invincible,” the thief spat. “You think that if someone tell you something's dangerous, it's a challenge. You think nothing can kill you. _Pah_! You're just as mortal as the rest of us in the end. Having a fancy family tree won't protect you from a good sharp dagger.”

“Why are you...”

“ _You promised to take care of Frerin_!” Nori exploded. “You promised to be there for him, to be a father, to protect and help him! How are you going to do that if you're dead? He's lost a father already, does he have to lose a second one? Am I going to have to raise him on my own? You promised that no one would call him a bastard, but the only reason they don't is because you scare them, and if you die, no one will care that you've claimed him! They'll call him Freri and say he's just another bastard in a line of bastards!”

“It's just a scratch,” Dwalin mumbled, more shaken by that outburst than he'd been by the dream. “Nori, it's just a scratch, I wasn't going to die, not like that,” he insisted, holding out a hand toward the other dwarf.

He had not expected Nori to actually take that hand, or even less that he'd throw himself at Dwalin's neck and hold tight.

“Don't you fucking die until Frerin's grown,” Nori sobbed against Dwalin's shoulder. “Even when he's grown, you're not allowed to die. Not until he's two hundred at least. I've mourned enough already, so don't you dare die or I'll have dogs _piss_ on your tomb.”

Had it been anyone else, Dwalin might have laughed or gotten angry. But this was Nori, so he simply held the other dwarf close. Nori might have been worried only for Frerin's sake, or it might have been that he cared for Dwalin, either as a friend or something else. In any case, it meant that Dwalin would have to be careful, at least until Nori was recovered enough that he didn't fear so much for others' lives.

Once Nori had calmed down and wasn't shaking so much, things felt... comfortable. He didn't try to get away from Dwalin, a pleasant weight in his arms. It was nice, and of course Dwalin's stomach had to ruin it by grumbling loudly.

“Yeah, you've missed a meal or two,” Nori sneered as he grabbed the food by Dwalin's bed and gave it to him. “Slept through the night and most of the day. Couple hours more and we'd have gotten Oin to check on you.”

That explained the worry then, Dwalin thought guiltily as he bit right into the loaf of bread, barely taking the time to chew before swallowing and biting into the cheese. Balin was used to seeing him sleep for a day or two after he'd pushed himself harder than he should have, but it had never happened with Nori around until that day. Dwalin hadn't thought of warning him, but then again, he hadn't thought that Nori would worry either.

Once Dwalin was done eating, Nori snuggled up against him again. The older dwarf could easily have fallen asleep again, but Nori seemed restless again. He was no longer shaking, but his fingers were exploring Dwalin's chest, tracing the seams of his clothes and playing with the laces and belts.

It took Dwalin a criminally long time to catch up, but in his defence, he was pretty sleepy.

“Are you...”

“If you want to,” Nori whispered seductively, “now that we've established you're not allowed to die? A way to seal the deal, if you like.”

It was a tempting offer. In answer, Dwalin lifted Nori's chin and kissed him slowly, trying to savour it. He hadn't had much of a chance to kiss the younger dwarf before, so this was nice... And Nori was eager, taking that gentleness and giving passion in exchange, all teeth and tongue and want, the way Dwalin had seen him kiss Fili before...

Dwalin didn't realise he'd stopped kissing back, not until Nori pulled away to look at him. The older dwarf wasn't sure how to explain. He wanted Nori, terribly so, but the images of his nightmare were still his mind, Fili's face as he died...

“Look at you, fucking falling asleep on me,” Nori said lightly. “Should have known someone as ancient as you would need more sleep than a handsome young stallion like me,” he sighed with a dramatic roll of the eyes. “Come on, let's get you to my room, and you'll nap with Frerin. But don't think I'll let you get away with this so easily next time.”

Dwalin smiled, breathing in relief, and gave Nori a quick kiss, a way of thanking him for not asking questions, for giving him time when he needed it.

There would be a next time anyway, and when it would come, things would be different indeed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hm  
> I don't really know how that sort of things work, but it's been suggested to me that it could be a good idea to get a beta reader (cause I rarely manage to proofread my stuff) and, like, anyone would be interested by that?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smut  
> that's really all there is to it

Warmth. There was warmth. Not just the dead, heavy warmth of a blanket, but one that lived and breathed. When Dwalin tried to pull it closer, that warmth turned out to be soft and tender, a pleasing sensation in his hand. His fingers ran along that smooth warmth, producing a soft gasp, then a pleased groan. Dwalin opened his eyes at last, and was faced with an abundant red mane. Nori. He'd spent the night with Nori and Frerin, something that was becoming a habit, and now he was groping Nori in his sleep and...

“Don't stop,” a muffled voice grumbled somewhere under the red mane. “Feels nice. Higher.”

Dwalin's fingers wandered a bit more in the area until they met a bellybutton. Now knowing where he was, the older dwarf brought his hand higher as ordered, cupping the soft shape of a breast and getting a sigh in return. Nori's hand came to cover his for a moment before the dwarf pushed his back to Dwalin's chest, his ass rubbing against the older dwarf's groin.

“Feeling like it?” Nori yawned.

“Yes,” Dwalin grunted, pinching a nipple and delighting in the pleasured gasp it got him.

“Your room,” Nori ordered, sounding plenty awake now.

Careful not to wake up Frerin who was sleeping on the other side of the bed, Dwalin took Nori in his arms to lift him up. The smaller dwarf gasped in surprise, but quickly saw the advantage of it and started nibbling on Dwalin's neck. He kept doing so as the older dwarf carried him through the house, and only stopped when Dwalin put him down on his bed and went to close the door. It did not take Dwalin long to do that, but when he turned back to the bed, Nori had already removed the long shirt he wore to sleep, revealing him in nothing but short linen trousers and he laid back seductively on the bed.

And Dwalin was seduced indeed. Nori had changed since the last time Dwalin had seen him naked, with his chest fuller, his belly slightly flabby and bearing stretch marks from the pregnancy... and still the most beautiful dwarf ever. Yet he wanted Dwalin for some reason, trusted him even, and that was an intoxicating feeling.

“Looking gorgeous,” Dwalin growled as he strode back to the bed. He rose a hand to stroke Nori's silky hair, not quite daring to do more yet, needing Nori to show again that he did want this.

Nori himself was not so shy. His nimble fingers tangled in Dwalin's coarse hair, and he pulled the bigger dwarf into a kiss, nibbling and licking and still pulling until they both lost their balance and Dwalin fell on top of him. Their teeth clashed and their noses bumped, but Dwalin was the first to laugh and Nori quickly followed, swift hands taking this chance to start tugging at the ties of Dwalin's night shirt. And that was Nori for you, always moving, always doing several things at once when his mind was in a good place...

It must have been in a very good place indeed, because Nori's hands were everywhere. He was pulling on Dwalin's clothes to remove them, scratching his back, groping his ass, feeling his cock through the fabric... He never stayed long in one place, teasing without mercy until Dwalin was half mad with desire.

“What do you want?” the older dwarf growled when he finally lost his shirt too. “Anything you like... Want you...”

Nori took a sharp breath as if that were a surprise, and his hands slowed down a moment as he considered this.

“Get off of me,” he said eventually, and Dwalin felt his stomach twist and crumble... but Nori laughed and gently pecked at his lips. “Gotta go get something in my room, that's all. Took me long enough to get you in bed, not letting you go so easily.”

Indeed, he was not gone for long, and when he came back, he had a sheath in his hand and a small phial.

“Bought that after we had our little talk,” Nori explained with a self satisfied smirk. “I had to guess what size you'd need. I got a good memory though, so it should fit.”

“And the bottle?”

“In case I get impatient and want your quick right then and there. It's a salve a friend of mine make... and I've got to encourage the new businesses in the mountain, ain't I? Here, catch!”

Dwalin almost missed the phial tossed toward him, distracted by the thought that Nori had prepared for this. The older dwarf hadn't even thought of buying a sheath... but then again, he hadn't thought Nori would want that sort of sex right away.

He didn't mind that he'd thought wrong, though. Hands and mouth would have been nice too, but being allowed this...

Dwalin was then further distracted by the sight of Nori walking toward the bed again, slowly... of course he made a show of it. He always did. If he had been born in Erebor in its days of glory, Nori would have been a dancer for certain... and one good enough that he would probably still have caught the eye of a prince.

It was easier this time to push away guilty thoughts. It might have been because it was so early in the morning, or just because Nori had one knee on the bed and had pulled Dwalin to him for a kiss. The older dwarf melted into it, lowering himself on his back and dragging Nori down with him until the thief was straddling him. There was the beginning of a damp spot on Nori's trousers that rubbed against Dwalin's stomach, strong thick thighs holding his hips, and a beautiful chest in front of him that he just had to cup gently, enjoying the warm skin against his rough hands.

“You still like these played with?”

“Oh, I sure do,” Nori purred, before gasping when Dwalin groped him more strongly. “They're more sensitive than they used to be,” he breathed, pressing his ass against Dwalin's hardening cock. “In a good way. So don't stop.”

Dwalin was more than happy to comply. Before long he had Nori shamelessly moaning and writhing against him. The younger dwarf had moved so that his sex could rub against Dwalin's cock, making him push against the wetness seeping through the fabric. Even this would have been enough, just kissing and groping and coming in his pants like an adolescent just discovering pleasure with a lover...

Just that would have been so good already, but Nori had other ideas. He pushed away Dwalin's hands, moaning weakly at the loss of sensation, and tore himself away from the big dwarf so he could remove his trousers. He was too impatient to be graceful now, which might have been amusing or flattering if Dwalin hadn't been so busy doing the same. Once he had kicked away his pants, Dwalin laid back again. Nori had seemed to enjoy it after all, and he too liked that position, the way it let him gaze at a lover... and with a partner as gorgeous as Nori, he didn't want to miss the sight.

“You can ride my mouth to help you get ready,” Dwalin offered when Nori straddled him again, chuckling when the other whined softly. “I always like that. Or I can use my fingers and...”

“No,” Nori growled, rubbing his moist sex against Dwalin's. “You. In me. Now.”

“Sheath?”

Cursing, Nori had to move away to grab it, having left it slightly out of reach. He also grabbed the salve, which Dwalin approved of. It always took Nori a long while to be fully ready for penetration and if they were going to rush things, they should rush smartly. With a steady hand, Nori put the sheath in place, rubbed a generous amount of salve on it, and got in position.

The sheath dulled things a little for Dwalin, but it wasn't a bad thing. He'd forgotten how tight Nori could be, and the noises he made as he lowered himself on Dwalin's cock... Nori had to go slow, inch by inch, moving up often and then down again, taking in a little more each time. He couldn't take all of Dwalin, not yet, not until he'd had some time to relax, but he was so tight and hot that it did not matter. Everything was still good, more than good, and Dwalin was glad the sheath made everything feel a little less or else he would have been finished already.

“Fuck, I had forgotten,” Nori whispered shakily, almost a whimper. “It's... I had forgotten just how _much_ you stretch me.”

Dwalin growled in answer, too focused on staying still to use words. It was a tight fit for both of them and he had to be careful. It was not easy, especially when Nori started first rocking his hips and then lifting them to slowly bring them down again as he got used again to the sensation, but Dwalin didn't move. He wanted to, so much, but more than anything he didn't want to hurt Nori.

At last the smaller dwarf started moving more easily, and when their eyes met, Nori answered Dwalin's silent question with a nod.

His movements were slow and careful at first, just little thrusts up that got breathless little moans out of Nori. Dwalin's hands found their way to Nori's chest, ample and warm and perfect in his palms. Groping there resulted in Nori moving more roughly on Dwalin's cock, and in turn the large dwarf thrust up harder.

Each movement one of them made had the other move back, and even with the sheath to dull things, Dwalin knew he couldn't last long. Not when it had been so long, not when Nori felt so perfect... He tried to distract himself so he could last longer, but his thoughts always turn back to the dwarf on top of him. Much too soon he spilled with a growl, bucking hard into Nori who did not stop squirming against him, trying to get that last little bit he needed to finish. Still shaky from his own pleasure, Dwalin brought a hand to Nori's little cock to stroke it until Nori tightened around him and let out a whine. He then dropped down on Dwalin's chest, both of them breathing hard.

“Missed that,” Nori yawned. “Should do it 'gain.”

Dwalin could only grunt in agreement, too spent for words. It was so nice to be like this, Nori a pleasant weight on him... but there was the sheath to remove, and they both needed a quick wash, covered in sweat as they were. As gently as he could, he moved Nori to the side of the bed and got up. The sheath was disposed of, and Dwalin found a clean shirt he used to quickly clean first Nori, and them himself.

“We should get back to Frerin,” Nori sighed as Dwalin through the shirt in a corner. “He'll panic if he wakes up alone.”

“We should,” Dwalin agreed, instead lying on the bed to cuddle his lover. “Just five more minutes.”

Nori laughed, and pulled Dwalin closer.

“Five minute then, and it's your fault if we fall asleep here.”

Dwalin grumbled something, his eyes closing in spite of himself. He didn't mind taking responsibility in the least.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *blows on dust*  
> sorry it took so long to update!  
> nasty case of writer's block + nwalin isn't very easy for me to write + smut isn't easy to write at all...  
> I sorta hope next chapter won't take so long but honestly, I can't promise anything


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some happy things, a lot of sad things, a fateful conversation with Ori, and other things
> 
> (warning: discussion of Ori/Kili, +people having a fight at the end of the chapter)

More and more frequently, Frerin's room was his own only during the night, and Nori would go to sleep with Dwalin. They still sometimes finished the night in Frerin's room or, as the child started crawling and walking more efficiently, they would regularly wake up to find he had joined them while they slept. Nori seemed particularly proud of the boy for that, claiming it was not so easy to sneak up on him and calling Frerin “a natural”. It worried Dwalin at times that Nori would want their son to have that sort of skills, as if Frerin too might need to know how to sneak into places and steal... but according to Ori, that was just how Nori thought. He'd done the same with Ori when he was a child, saying that have certain skills and not using them was better than not having them and needing them.

“Never stole more than some cookies in the kitchen,” Ori had said with a crooked smile. “And one time, I got into Nori's room and borrowed his best outfit for a date, he was furious. Didn't try to teach me anything more after that, I tell you!”

It did not comfort Dwalin as much as the boy had hoped. After all when Ori had been a child things had still been difficult for their family, but surely Nori had to know that things were better now? Frerin was Dwalin's son in the eye of the law, in the eye of their families and friends. Even if Dwalin died, Balin would still be there to support them, and if they both died, then Oin and Gloin would make sure that the child and his bearer would not be taken advantage of, that they could live in peace and comfort with their inheritance... Nori had to know that Erebor was different from Ered Luin, that he'd never go wanting again.

Someday, Dwalin would need to have a talk with him about that, to remind him again how safe they were. Someday, but not yet. They were both busy, Dwalin with his work to keep Erebor safe, Nori with Frerin and his helping of poor families, and in their free time they had nicer things to be doing. Being a family took up a lot of time, but Dwalin wouldn't have had it any other way.

 

“Do you think you could speak about Thorin for the anniversary of the battle?” Balin asked his brother one evening when Nori had taken Frerin to his family. “I do not think anyone could do it better than you.”

The request took Dwalin by surprise, although it probably should not have. Balin had mentioned something of the sort the first year, but his brother had been too busy after Frerin's birth. Then on the second year, as the dreadful date approached, Nori's mood had been severely hit and Dwalin had put almost everything on hold to help his child's father. This year though, Nori seemed well enough, maybe not as cheerful as usual, but nothing like the unmoving, silent shell he could be in bad times. Which meant that Dwalin did not have an excuse to avoid speaking on this third anniversary of his best friend's death.

Dwalin didn't want Nori to be unwell, but it had been rather convenient when it had given him an easy excuse out of dwelling on the past.

“I'm not good at speaking in public,” Dwalin grunted. “You should do it.”

“I have done it so far. I can speak of Thorin as a king, as a dwarf I saw growing up... but you can tell people more than that. You can tell them what person he was, what friend, what brother, what uncle... you've known more of him than me, and I think it would be good for people to be reminded he was so much more than a lost king to a lost people.”

“He was not lost!” Dwalin retorted. He paused for a second then, and smirked. “Well, he was often lost on the surface,” he admitted. “Never fully got the trick of finding his way aboveground. But in his own mind, he was not lost. He always knew where he was, and where he needed to take us all.”

“And that's exactly the sort of things I wish you would say about him,” Balin answered with a kind smile. “I know it is not easy for you... but I think it is needed. I speak of him and the princelings like an historian, and right now, that's not what people want to hear. They want a hero, the good and the bad, the great and the mundane... and you're the only one who can give me this. You're the only one here who was close enough to Thorin and the children to tell people who they really were.”

It was not a pleasant idea, but Balin was not wrong. Thorin had never trusted people easily, and after losing Frerin, he'd pushed away anyone who wasn't close family... which at that point meant Balin, Dwalin and Dis. But the princess still wouldn't come back to the mountain, and if Balin didn't feel he could do it...

“Who will be speaking of Fili and Kili?”

“Gimli again I fear. She worshipped them, and she's the only friend of theirs who came here _and_ is capable of speaking in public.”

“Why not Ori?”

The boy was well spoken, and while he was rather shy at times, he had proven once or twice he could overcome it to speak in front of many people if needed. Beside, even if he hadn't known the royal siblings very long, the three of them had become very close friends. Sometimes when Dwalin had watched them together, he had been reminded of his own early days with Thorin and his siblings, in much simpler days.

But Balin grimaced at the suggestion, and waved his hand as if to dismiss it.

“I forgot you couldn't come the first year,” he explained. “I tried to get Ori to talk about them, but after a few words he just broke into tears in front of everyone, shouted that it wasn't fair they had died, and ran away. I won't put him through this again, not unless he's the one asking it... and I don't believe he will. Dori told me recently that even with his family, the child won't talk about them.”

“It must still be too fresh for him,” Dwalin sighed. “But if he managed to try at least, it'd be shameful if I didn't even have the same courage as a child. I'll say a few words about Thorin, but it probably won't be much good.”

Balin thanked him, and had the kindness to change the subject now that he had what he wanted. Still, Dwalin couldn't help but worry about Ori.

He hadn't been able to save his princelings, and that would haunt him for the rest of his life, but maybe he could help their friend deal with his grief.

He had experience in that, after all.

 

The anniversary of the battle came and went without Dwalin having a chance to talk to Ori about grief. Preparing a speech about Thorin was more work than he had expected, even with his brother's help. Beside, now that he had agreed to one thing, Balin suddenly needed him for all sorts of things, so that with that, his work, Frerin, and keeping an eye on Nori's state, he didn't have time for anything else. Thankfully, the ceremonies went without a hitch. People were apparently very touched by what Dwalin had to say about Thorin, even though he felt he didn't do justice to his old friend. He also said a few things about Fili and Kili, things he'd heard from Nori mostly, some of which Nori had heard from Ori. It wasn't much, but he could do it, and so he felt he had to.

The ceremonies were... beautiful. Different from what Dwalin had seen after Azanulbizar. But then again, in spite of all their losses the Battle of the Five Armies had been a clear victory, and even after such a short time Erebor was richer than Ered Luin had ever been, its people prouder of who their past, their present and their future... That anniversary was a sad occasion, and there were songs of mourning to be heard for a full week, as well as many beautiful offerings on the tombs of fallen warriors, but there was still an ever present feeling of hope. The main line of kings might have ended, Dain was still a great ruler of royal lineage, and with the dragon dead, with Azog and his armies gone, with even the distant threat of the necromancer no longer looming, Erebor felt untouchable. So many dwarves and elves and men had died, but these death had made a difference, and everyone was working hard to make sure these sacrifices mattered.

Wherever he was, Thorin must have been proud of his people, of his kingdom.

It was still a relief when the ceremonies ended, and life went back to normal. Only then did Dwalin realise how tense he had been that whole week, how Nori had been too quiet and too still... but it was over now. They kept to themselves for some days, with even Balin letting them be and finding excuses not to be home unless they said they needed him.

Then, when they were both better, they invited their families and friends to celebrate Frerin's second birthday, claiming they had not had time to do it on the real days because of the anniversary of the battle. It was a joyful evening, and Frerin was treated every bit as the prince he could have been, had the world been kinder. He must have felt that the whole thing was about him, because he made extra efforts to charm everyone, as if they did not all adore him already. He babbled and smiled and demanded hugs from everyone, cheering them up wonderful after those days of remembering the dead. At the end of the party not one of them had any melancholy left in them.

None, except Ori.

Certainly, he smiled at Frerin, and at anyone who spoke to him. But he avoided being spoken to as much as he could, and when he thought nobody was looking his way, his face returned to its usual expression, one of resigned sadness. The expression itself didn't surprise Dwalin as much as it should have, since it was how Ori looked most of the time. But he had never realised just how very sad it looked, in a boy whom Dwalin could remember smiling and laughing so much once, when the princelings were still alive. It renewed Dwalin's determination to talk to him, and see if there was any way to help.

Fate must have agreed with his plan, because Ori decided to stay after the party to help clean up everything, and very soon Dwalin found himself alone with the boy. Balin had been called for some urgent business for the king (which happened often enough when there were piles of dishes to wash, his brother had noticed), and Nori was putting Frerin to bed (which should take some time, the boy was so excited). Everyone else had gone home, so there was only Dwalin washing the dishes, and Ori drying them.

“How have you been lately?” Dwalin asked, a little awkwardly maybe, but having found no better way to breach the subject.

Ori shrugged. “As usual. There's a lot of work to do.”

“Work isn't everything. Did many of your friends from Ered Luin come to Erebor?”

Ori shrugged again, weaker this time, and his hand slowed on the plate he was holding. “All my old friends have stayed there, because they were Broadbeams for the most, or their families thought the mountain is bad luck or... that sort of things. I don't blame them. I'd have done the same I guess, in their place.”

Dwalin sincerely doubted that a boy so brave could have been very happy to stay in the same old place when there was a new kingdom to discover and explore, but he decided not to say it. If this was how Ori dealt with no longer seeing old friends, so be it.

“Made new ones here then? Lots of scribes and scholars have come from the Iron Hills.”

Once more Ori shrugged, but this time he said nothing. He put away the now dry plate, and did not take another from the pile.

“You're a good boy,” Dwalin insisted. “Can't tell me no one has tried to chat with you?”

“They've tried,” Ori replied as if he were confessing a crime. “Mostly to flirt and I'm... not interested. I don't want to date, and I don't want friends. I don't want anything just... just to be left in peace to do my work. I have a duty to Erebor, don't I? I can't go and let everyone distract me.”

So Ori was that sort, then. Balin and Thorin had reacted the same after Azanulbizar, more or less. Drowning themselves in work to avoid the pain. As if working hard allowed them to ignore their loss, as if they hoped that by doing enough, they could somehow bring back the people they had lost... It had taken Balin nearly a year to stop overworking himself. Thorin, on the other hand, had never really stopped, but then again he had such responsibilities that he'd had no choice. Ori did.

“Erebor will survive if you take a break and have some fun, kid. It would do you good. Damn, if you don't want to chat with scribes, you could come with me to the training grounds sometimes. You've got a way with weapons, it'd be a shame to waste it. You could spar with me, or with other people there.”

“I don't want to spar with anyone,” Ori whispered. “It's lost all its fun now that... Fighting was only ever fun if I had the right people at my side.”

“You can't your life end just because theirs did,” Dwalin gently protested, wiping a wet hand on his shirt before patting the boy's shoulder. “They would not want that for you. They loved you very much, and they'd want you to enjoy life in all the ways they can't anymore.”

Ori shrugged, biting his bottom lip, frowning, his fists clenched tight.

“You don't know what they'd want,” he hissed. “Nobody does. You can't know what the dead want! And even if that were true, even if they did want that, it wouldn't change anything, because I'm... because I don't want this! I want them, I miss them. I miss laughing with Fili and chatting with Kili about all the things we'd do in Erebor! This... this mountain, it's no good to me now! I came here to follow Nori, and then I kept going because I believed in Thorin, and because I wanted to see Fili be a great king someday, and because I wanted to spend my life at Kili's side, and...”

Ori stopped then, pressing both hands against his mouth and staring at Dwalin with wide, horrified eyes. Such a strong reaction surprised Dwalin at first, who couldn't understand what the boy had said to get so fearful. When at last the answer hit him, his eyes too went wide.

“You and Kili?”

“No!” Ori squeaked. “She didn't... and I didn't... We were just friends!”

“But you wanted to be something other than friends?”

“I never thought about it at the time,” Ori confessed, looking down at his feet. “I just... I just knew that it felt right to be with her. It... it's only after everything that... that I started thinking, and... and wondering...”

Dwalin's heart ached for the boy, and for Kili too. He'd never considered that possibility before, but it suddenly seemed obvious that there had been something happening between the children. They had always been so happy whenever they were chatting together, always finding excuses to hug and touch, always smiling when their eyes met... and they eyes met often because they'd been always looking at each other. Dwalin hadn't thought much of it back then, too busy worrying of the closeness between Fili and Nori, but he wondered now how he could have missed all the signs.

“You loved her,” Dwalin said.

“I think I still do,” Ori replied. “I think I always will. I know I'm young, and I know everyone say you don't know anything when you're young, especially about love but... but I still think there's no one else for me, no one that can compare. She was... she was unlike anyone I've ever known and... and I miss her so much and... and it's not fair because... because I'll never know if she... I'll never _know_ ,” he finished in a sob, fighting back the tears that were forming at the corner of his eyes.

Ori had never looked so tired and fragile, so much like the child he still was, still should have been. So Dwalin did the only thing he knew how to do with sad children and pulled him in a hug, wrapping himself around the boy and hoping this would bring all the comfort that Dwalin's words never could have.

“She loved you too,” he still said, hoping it was what Ori needed to hear. “I've known that kid all her life, seen her with all her friends... never was with anyone the way she was with you. She loved you, and you made her happy.”

He might have been right to say that, or he might have been wrong. Either way Ori went limp in his arms and finally allowed his tears to flow. A sad broken child, but maybe someday it would comfort him to know that he had been loved...

Then suddenly, Nori was with them. He might have been around for a couple minutes really, for all that Dwalin might have known. In fact, judging by the anger on his face, he must have been there for a while, and he must not have approved of that conversation between his younger brother and his lover.

“I'm going to take you home,” Nori told Ori, pulling him away from Dwalin and holding the boy close, as if he might fall to pieces otherwise.

Behind Ori's back, his fingers started moving fast and sharp: _we are going to talk about this_ , he warned Dwalin, before leaving with the boy. It was not going to be a pleasant conversation, Dwalin feared, so he hurried to wash the dishes, dry them and put them away. Nori didn't seem like the one to break plates in a fit of anger, but he might grab something pointy, and Dwalin didn't want to take any risks.

By the time Nori returned, the house was a lot cleaner. Dwalin was also a lot more tired, a side effect of tidying that he had not foreseen. If Nori noticed it, it did not affect his anger in any way. He looked at Dwalin the way he'd have looked at an orc or at something even worse. Azog himself might not have found himself on the receiving end of such a glare, if only because Nori would have killed him on the spot.

“I only wanted to help,” Dwalin explained in answer to that look. “I thought I could...”

“You thought that encouraging him to think of something he'll never have was going to help?” Nori snapped. “If you were going to invent something, couldn't you at least do it in a way that'd give him closure? Tell him she wasn't into romancing anyone, or that she had someone back in Ered Luin, or... I don't, anything rather than _this_?”

Dwalin hadn't thought about that, and for a moment he felt guilty about it... but the feeling did not last long. It might have been easier for Ori, yes, but it would not have been honest.

“I did not lie to your brother. He deserves better than that. I'd never thought about it before, but it's obvious that Kili loved him, and...”

“Love!” Nori spat at him with a cruel smile. “And what do you know of love? Just because you've read a story or two, sung a couple tavern songs and fucked a few people, you think you know love? You don't! You're just a big brute with a big cock and a small heart, you have no idea what it's like to love someone!”

“Do you think Fili and you were the only two people to have ever been in love?” Dwalin growled in answer, angry and hurt at the accusation. “You think I don't love my own brother, that I don't love Frerin as if he were my flesh and blood? You think I don't care for Ori, that I like seeing him miserable?”

Nori shrugged, the exact same movement as his brother earlier, but instead of sad resignation his expression was one of disdain.

“Yeah, you have a small heart, just enough for small loves. A dog could feel the same as you! But I'm talking about romance here, about someone you need to be with so bad it ache when you're not with them, and the dreadful, utter despair when you can never have them? What do you say to that, eh?”

“I say that I know it too well,” Dwalin grunted, too tired to care, but still clear headed enough to know there were things he could never say. “You're not the first person to have ever been in love, you won't be the last. And Fili isn't the only one to love someone he knows he shouldn't, though he was more lucky than most. He got to be loved back. We don't all have that luck. So trust me, when I say your brother deserves a painful truth rather than a convenient lie, I know what I say. You think it hurts to have lost love? Try knowing you can never have it, and _then_ we'll speak again!”

“ _You're_ in love?” Nori asked, frowning in disbelief, as if it were the maddest idea he'd ever heard.

Soon he was going to tell Dwalin again that he really needed to invent better lies... and the older dwarf was too tired to bear with it at the moment. It had been a long day to begin with, made longer still by that conversation with Ori that had given him a glimpse of what could have been... what should have been, if only the princelings had been a little more lucky, a little more careful... They'd both been so close to happiness but it had all broken to pieces, leaving Ori, Nori and Dwalin to cut themselves on the shards.

Well, Dwalin had bled enough for that night.

“Believe me or not,” he told Nori. “I don't care. You can doubt I knew Kili's heart but I know my own. Now if you don't mind, I'll go sleep. I'm exhausted, and I must work in the morning.”

“And what if I mind?” Nori hissed. “I'm not done talking!”

“But I am, so I'll go sleep anyway. Good night.”

Nori glared at him again, and strode to the room he shared with Frerin, slamming the door behind him. Not a great idea, because that was sure to wake the boy up... but it was Nori's doing, and so it would be Nori's problem. Dwalin was just too tired to care about anything anymore. He went to his own room, and barely managed to undress before he collapsed on his bed and fell asleep.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the aftermath of Dwalin's half spoken truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for this very short chapter, and after such a long time...  
> Still, I hope you'll enjoy it!

The next few days were rather awkward for Dwalin. Nori was a clever dwarf, very clever, and Dwalin feared he might have said too much about his feelings. He avoided the other dwarf as much as possible so they wouldn't talk about it... and of course Nori must have noticed that too. It would have been easy for him to corner Dwalin one night, to demand they resume that conversation, but he never did. Whatever he had understood, he must not have liked it enough to ask for details.

Dwalin couldn't blame him. They had only recently reached a fragile balance, and it would have been risky for everyone to challenge it.

And yet something felt changed already. Their closeness and trust felt disturbed by that half revelation. Even when Dwalin stopped being so avoiding, Nori no longer shared his bed as often as before, nor did he invite Dwalin as easily to come and sleep with Frerin and him. At least, it felt so to the older dwarf. To be fair, he had never before paid attention to who was usually propositioning the other, so Nori might have always been that way, and the change might have been Dwalin's own doing. He did not know. He was not sure he wanted to know.

But time passed, days followed days, and some of the awkwardness melted away. It would have been difficult to live together and still maintain that distance, especially when Nori's own mind so often played tricks on him. Before a week had passed, Nori had an attack of dark days almost as bad as the one he'd had after Fili's death. He withdrew from his family entirely, barely managing to even take care of Frerin, so that Dwalin was often forced to jump in and make sure the child had all the attention needed.

“I'm trying,” Nori complained one night, when he hadn't been able to feed the child and put him to bed. “I'm trying, but it's so exhausting and it never ends, there's always something more to do, something more to say, there's always more and more...”

“I know you try,” Dwalin replied, patting him awkwardly on the shoulder. “But you don't always have to try. Just ask. He's my son too, I'll care for him when you can't or won't.”

“He's not your son. Not really. You don't have to do anything for him.”

That felt like a slap to Dwalin, who took a step back as if he'd been truly hit. Balin was there with them, putting away the things from dinner, but he had the kindness to pretend he hadn't heard and swiftly dashed to his room to give them privacy.

“I love Frerin as if he were my flesh and blood,” Dwalin protested as gently as he could when the remark had hurt so much. “He would not be dearer to me if I had truly sired him. He is my son, and I won't let anyone say otherwise, not even you.”

There were tears threatening to spill at the corners of Nori's eyes, and he clenched his fists.

“It's not fair.”

Without realising, Dwalin nodded. It was not fair that Fili wasn't there to raise his son. It wasn't fair that Nori couldn't claim their son's true lineage in front of the kingdom and be believed, that he'd had to settle with Dwalin for protection. None of it was fair, and to this day Dwalin still felt guilty that he was sometimes glad of it.

But Nori must have guessed what he was thinking, and he shook his head.

“No, it's... it's not fair that you have to do so much,” he explained. “It's not fair you're stuck with me, with us, when you could be having your own family, a real one... It's not fair and I'm sorry... It's selfish, I'm selfish for making you do that, it's not fair, I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to...”

For a second or two, Dwalin was too surprised to react. He had no words to answer that, no words to explain there was nothing he wanted more than to be at Nori's side, to help Frerin grow, to care for them and love them both as much as they deserved. How could Nori not know that already? After what he'd said that night... could it be that Nori hadn't understood that it was him Dwalin loved, when he'd proved it so many times? But with the darkness and fears that sometimes clouded his mind, maybe Nori just couldn't guess at such things, or dared not guess.

Carefully, as gently as he knew, Dwalin pulled the other dwarf to his arms and held him there. He wasn't sure he could put in words how much he loved Nori, how much he wanted and needed him, but he hoped some of that warmth and closeness would speak for him. At first Nori was stiff against him, and Dwalin prepared himself for the thought his lover might attempt an escape, but it didn't come. Instead Nori slowly relaxed and melted against him, before slipping his arms around Dwalin's waist to hold him just as close.

Dwalin would have been happy to stay like that, for hours if needed, or maybe to relocate to a bed or chair for more hugging, but Nori had other ideas. Slowly, his hands started caressing Dwalin's body through his clothes, groping and searching for his skin until the older dwarf was forced to mention that this was affecting him.

“Good,” Nori retorted fiercely. “That's the point. I want that. I... need that? I want... you. Now. Right now. Right here. On the floor, on the table, I don't care, I just... please?”

“Anything you want,” Dwalin whispered, heat rushing through his vein at the thought, even as some small part of him worried of this sudden change of mood in his lover. But that part was quickly silenced when Nori continued his caresses and added kisses to them, his body warm and wanting under Dwalin's hands until they ended up having sex on the table.

It was not until they were done that Dwalin realised neither of them had worried about using a sheath or pulling out, but he dismissed it as unimportant. Just because Nori had had bad luck once didn't mean it would always be so. And beside, should a child come, it would have a family to welcome it.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News from princess Dis

Things went back to normal, and yet they did not. Dwalin could not have put words on it, but something was still different from before his conversation with Ori. It was maybe the way Nori looked at him sometimes, staring at him too intensely. Or it was the way Nori would cling to him a little tighter when they slept together... and didn't that happen more often, too? And it felt sometimes as if Nori were more passionate in their lovemaking, and frequently refused to use a sheath even when Dwalin fucked his cunt.

Sometimes it didn't matter because Dwalin still had the good sense to pull out, but others he forgot, or Nori kept him close and did not allow it.

“We gotta be careful,” Dwalin panted one morning, after it happened again. “You'll get with child again.”

Nori did not answer right away, and Dwalin wondered if he used herbs of some sort to prevent it. Some people did, especially among dwarves who had been born after the fall of Erebor, when every child born was just another mouth to feed, a disaster rather than a blessing... But Nori shrugged and looked away, his body tensing somewhat.

“Would that be so terrible if it happened?”

For a second, Dwalin could not breathe. The thought of it... he loved Frerin, loved him as his flesh and blood and he would fight anyone saying the boy wasn't his child, but the thought of a child he would sire himself, of Nori wanting to go through that with him, not because he had no one else to turn to, but because he wanted it, wanted Dwalin to give him another child...

But before the older dwarf could answer, Nori closed off, as he still did sometimes, and he jumped out of bed before Dwalin could stop him.

“Forget I said that,” he mumbled, bending down to grab some clothes for the day. “You're right, I'll be more careful from now on.”

He then left the room, and Dwalin did not stop him. The dream of another child had crumbled before him as quickly as it had appeared, and he did not know how to feel about that, did not want to protest for fear Nori might feel pressured into giving him that.

And yet a child, another child, one that might look like him as much as it would look like Nori... He'd give anything for that, and he hoped that someday, Nori too would want it, and truly want it, not just as a passing fancy in the afterglow of sex.

* * *

 

Time passed, as it tends to do. Frerin's third birthday came and passed, as did the fourth anniversary of the battle of the five armies. Again, Dwalin spoke of Thorin and his niblings, mostly in sorrow, but with pride too, and hoping they would approve of everything that had been done in the mountain, that they could see Erebor from the great Halls of Mahal, and know that in some way everything that had been done in the kingdom had been done in their name. He did not say that he hoped also that Fili was proud of the son he had never had the chance to meet, but the thought was on his mind the whole time.

And how things had changed indeed! The traces of the dragon would never be fully erased, and it would take many more years for Erebor to be once more as great as it had once been, but already it had so little in common with the ruined tomb in which the company had stepped in all these years ago. There were shops of all sorts, and markets filled with food and items both local and from faraway places. Schools had been opened, free schools that were once more mandatory, ensuring even the poorest children could have a chance for education. Sometimes Dwalin almost cried thinking of it, and comparing that to the misery of their wandering years, and a whole generation for whom learning had too often been a privilege out of reach. And there were grants offered to those who were deemed particularly brilliant too, so they could keep studying after the end of mandatory schooling even if their families did not have the means for it.

Each year, Dwalin had Balin choose two children for whom he would pay every expense from his own pocket until the end of their study, and he tried to also help their family if he could, even if it was just sending business their way or giving them a hand in finding a job. Nori teased him on it a bit, mostly because he was surprised to see anyone of noble blood trying to help commoners, but Dwalin only found it normal. His parents had always done the same in their time, and besides, he knew better than anyone that coming from an unprivileged background did not undermine someone's worth. Nori and his brothers were good proof of that, as he frequently claimed, partly because it was true, but also because Nori was so pretty when he blushed in embarrassment.

Even now, after so much time, Dwalin still wasn't sure what he had exactly with Nori. He loved the other dwarf, that much was certain. And Nori certainly liked him. On good days, Dwalin hoped he might even love him. On bad days, he knew that Fili had left a hole in his lover's heart that could never be filled again, and much as he hurt, he did his best to respect that. He dared not put a word on their relationship, but he knew for certain that together with Frerin they were a family, and perhaps that was the most important.

* * *

 

It was some days after Frerin's fourth birthday that a letter arrived for king Dain, straight from the Blue Mountains. Such letters were not so rare, as the ravens were flying once more and news could travel more easily, but that one was special in more than one way. First of all, it came from Lady Dis. Since the terrible death of her family, the princess had made it very clear that she had no interest in Erebor, and that she wished to hear as little about it as possible. She only wrote if it were necessary for business between the two dwarven strongholds, and even then she preferred to have her scribes take care of it whenever she could get away with it. But this letter was by her own hand, addressed directly to her cousin, and it said that she had just left Ered Luin, and intended to arrive to Erebor in time for the ceremonies of the anniversary of the battle.

The news shook the entire mountain like an earthquake. Princess Dis was coming home. Immediately everyone started making plans, as if the entire kingdom wanted to be shiny and beautiful for its long gone princess, though it would be many weeks until she arrived. All the dressmakers were flooded with commissions, the goldsmiths and silversmiths worked night and day in hope to impress her with their talent. The weavers rivalled in ingenuity to create new patterns in her honour. Cooks perfected their best recipes, all of them sending letters to the king begging for the chance to prepare a meal while she would be his guest. Dis might have sworn off the kingdom of her ancestors, but it had not forgotten her, and it was ready to give her the love and admiration it had never had time to give her brother and children.

In the middle of all that industrious activity, Dwalin felt lost.

It was not that he did not love Dis. Perhaps he loved her more than all the other because unlike them he knew her, and she had been like a sister to him, once. He had shared her joys and sorrows quite as much as he had shared Thorin's, he had seen her married, had held her while she cried the loss of her father and grandfather and mother, he had been nearby at the birth of her children, and she had trusted him to teach them whenever he had time for it. They had been close like siblings once, but that was before he had failed to protect her family, before he had let her children die and then her brother.

It had been a long while since Fili's death had plagued Dwalin's nightmares, but after the princess's letter arrived, he relived it almost every night, sometimes several times a night. The prince so helpless, so young, and the pain on his face as the pale orc stabbed him through, and his long, almost endless fall, followed eventually by a dull, terrible sound as his body hit the snow covered ground...

Dis would ask him. She would ask him how her family had died, and he would have to tell her. She would ask for details, more and more of them until she could see the scene in her mind as clearly as if she'd been there too. It was what she'd done after the death of Thror, asking and asking all those who had seen it until it made her sick, but she knew what had happened.

And once she'd know, she would ask Dwalin why he hadn't saved them, and she would hate him for not trying harder.

He tried to explain that to Nori one night, when bad dreams had plagued him again and he'd woken them both. Nori had asked, and Dwalin had not had the clarity of mind to refuse.

“Is she so cruel then, your princess?”

“Never cruel, no. But fair. To friends and foe alike.”

“Then she will not blame you for what happened,” Nori claimed, cuddling close to Dwalin, nuzzling his chest. “It would be cruel to blame you for something you couldn't control. They... They made their choice. They knew the risk. We all did. If she... if she gets angry at you, then it will be unfair to them. Their were their own dwarves. They made their choice and... and there were consequences.”

Dwalin threw an arm around Nori's shoulder, pulling him closer still.

“If she is fair, she will understand you did everything you could,” Nori continued. “She will know you would have given your life for them, just as I know it. And she... she'll know also... she must know, she must realise that what you have done with your life since then is nothing less than they would have. You... You've helped Dain, you've helped this kingdom...I did not know Thorin much, but I think he would be proud. And I knew Fili, and Kili too and they... I think they would not believe their death was in vain, so I hope their mother will see it too.”

“You still miss him,” Dwalin said.

“You miss them too,” Nori replied quietly. “We don't show it the same way, but you're having trouble getting over it too. Maybe we never will. But at least, we can miss them together.”

Dwalin did not know what to say to that. Maybe there was nothing to say. Maybe this common pain, and the joy of having Frerin, was all that they had together. And if that was true, it was not so bad.

For a long while they stayed like that, holding each other. After a while, Dwalin's breathing and his heart finally calmed down again, the horror of his memories fading at last as sleep tried to reclaim him. He thought Nori was already asleep, and close his eyes to do the same, when he felt his lover move against him, and a finger poking insistently at his chest to get his attention.

“What's it?”

“I've got something to say,” Nori whispered, so low it was almost a breath. “I went to see Oin today. I didn't want to say anything yet but... maybe there's no sense in waiting...”

“You sick?” Dwalin gasped, his heart racing once more. Not him too, not Nori. Mahal had to have mercy, he couldn't lose everyone, he couldn't, it wouldn't be fair.

“Not sick,” the other dwarf retorted. “Not exactly. Not quite. But it's something to do with my health in a way, yeah.”

“Nori?”

“Dwalin, I... I'm with child.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in a single month? *gasp*  
> also, we are nearing the end of that fic, at last


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dis arrives in Erebor, at last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for language I guess?

A child came to give Dis a bouquet of wild flowers that had grown on the flanks of the mountain as she stepped inside her home after a lifetime away from it. Tears fell on her cheek and she took the small flowers, and she bent to kiss the child's cheek, thanking them for the present. She then smiled at the crowd and when she said how glad she was to finally be back, the streets exploded in shouts and applauds.

In spite of his nervousness, Dwalin smiled as the princess made her way toward kind Dain. Dis had always been loveable. Thorin was a good king, a good leader, strong and stubborn, determined to see his people well treated, but Dis... she was more like Frerin had been, she brought smiles to people's faces, even when her own heart had shattered into pieces. She was so in control of herself too, smiling kindly at her cousin, congratulating him on the good job he had done, taking care of his new kingdom... Dwalin wondered if anyone but him could see the pain hidden behind her every word, her resentment that it was not her brother or her sons on the throne, and how she truly hated being in Erebor after all it had taken from her.

And yet she was chatting cheerfully, talking to Dain and to the crowd at the same time, complimenting the work already done, giving her best wishes for what was still to be done. If Dwalin hadn't known her so well, he wouldn't have noticed her careful choice of words, wouldn't have seen the small gestures that betrayed her true anger. And he wondered, not for the first time, why she had returned. Why, after all this time, when there was nothing for her but pain in Erebor?

He wondered, but not so much that he would dare to ask her. After the public ceremony, there was a more private one organised, a banquet where only Thorin's company and a few carefully chosen others were present. Dwalin didn't avoid Dis then, not exactly, but he didn't go to her either, the way he would have once. It was cowardly of him, but he couldn't face her, he wasn't ready for it yet. She didn't want him to, anyway, or else she'd have confronted him already.

“She seems nice,” Nori said after a while, passing him some roasted meat. “She looks a bit like Fili, except the smile.”

“That's because she's not really smiling,” Dwalin replied darkly, taking the food offered. “Both kids got their smile from her.”

Nori seemed to consider the idea for a moment, and without thinking brought a hand to his stomach, as he always did when thinking of Fili.

“Well, that one will smile like you,” he told Dwalin. “At least I hope. If it smiles like me, people will always think it is preparing trouble.”

“People only think that of you because it's usually true, you know.”

That got him a nudge in the ribs, and it made Dwalin smile.

“Anyway, she doesn't seem so angry at you, or at anyone,” Nori commented with a quick glance to Dis. “The way you've been talking about her, I was getting worried, but she seems nice enough.”

Dwalin looked at his princess, his friend, his cousin, and shrugged. It said a lot about her control that Dis could fool even Nori, but he knew better. Besides, Dis was far too clever to make a scene in public, or to give anyone a chance to see how deeply affected she was. No, she'd keep that for a private moment, when it would be only the two of them... and maybe it would be good to still be trusted with her weakness when he had failed her so much. It would be more than he deserved, certainly, and it would hurt, but Dwalin would still appreciate it for the gift of trust it would be.

Another poke in the rib broke his train of thoughts.

“You're acting gloomy again,” Nori warned him. “Come on, eat something. It's nice food, better than what the three of us can cook. Enjoy it, or I'll steal your share, get a stomach ache, and be a complete nuisance for all the rest of today.”

“You really are Dori's brother,” Dwalin replied with a snort, but he obeyed anyway and made an effort to eat.

 

 

A few days passed, and Dis had to be everywhere. Every guild wanted her to come visit and see their work, every teams of workers wanted her to see how much they had already erased Smaug's destruction, and of course she made several visits to the graves of her family. Dwalin was often there with her, acting as a guard behind her, as he'd so often done in the past, for her and her brother. She never seemed to notice him though. She never gave him a look to let him know she would come talk to him later, when she'd have more time. She treated him exactly the same as she did her other guards, and it hurt so much Dwalin wondered if that was meant to be the punishment for his failures. If he had lost the last of her trust after, if they were going to be strangers from now on. He'd deserve it of course. He hated the idea of it, but he still deserved it.

Then one night, as the anniversary of the battle was fast approaching, there was a knock on their door, and Dis was there. Balin, who had opened the door, bowed to her out of sheer habit, and asked her what he could do for her.

“I fear it is a rather rude demand I have for you,” the princess replied with a wry smile, “but could you leave me alone with your brother and his... friend? I would very much like to have a chat with them, and I would feel more comfortable if we had some privacy. I am so sorry to throw you out of your own house this way...”

“It's quite fine,” Balin assured her, throwing a worried look at his brother. “I happen to have installed a rather comfortable mattress in my office in case I need to work late, and I've been wanting to test it. I bid you good night, my dear.”

With a last glance to Dwalin, Balin left. Dis sat on a chair and looked around at their house, so much better than what any of them had had in Ered Luin. Bigger and better built than the place in which Dis must still have lived and that she could never call home.

“I take it my grandson has already gone to bed then?” she said at last. “A pity. I thought today I might have been free early enough to finally see him.”

Nori went deadly still next to Dwalin, and the older dwarf suddenly couldn't breathe anymore. He'd been prepared for anger, for accusation, for hatred even, but not for this.

“Who told you that?” he managed to ask.

The princess rolled her eyes and tapped her fingers against her knees, as she so often did when she felt the world wasn't quite smart enough for her.

“Just about everyone told me. Oin wrote because he felt I had a right to know. Gloin too. Hoped it might give me some comfort to know all was not lost. I received some anonymous letters too, hoping to tarnish my children's reputation. And Dain of course. Dain wanted to know if he should make plans for the child's future, if I intended my grandson to rule one day. He was quite generous really, saying he would agree to being regent until the boy was old enough to wear the crown. Really, everyone was so convinced that I have a grandson, I thought I should take a look for myself.”

Nori grabbed Dwalin's arm, holding it tight enough to hurt.

“Frerin is Dwalin's child,” he hissed. “You will _not_ take him from me.”

“That's not for you to decide,” Dis snapped. “If I truly am his grandmother, if he truly is my son's son, I have rights over him, and he has rights over Erebor! Besides, you're going to have another one in a few months, no? You'll get over the loss of the child just as easily as you got over the loss of a lover, I'm sure.”

“You can't say that!” Dwalin protested, putting himself in front of Nori as if he could protect him against words too. “It's not...”

“I'm allowing your presence here only for the good service you did me in caring for my grandson,” Dis cut him. “After letting my brother and children die, do you think you can tell me what to do?”

The accusation was like a blade going right through his guts. It was nothing Dwalin hadn't told himself countless times, but to here it from his princess, to know that she truly hated him as much as he had feared...

And yet Nori was here beside him, fearing for his child, for their child. And no matter how great his guilt was, Dwalin realised his love for his family was greater still, and that he could not lose it without a fight.

“Frerin is my son,” he growled. “I have claimed him in front of all Erebor, and if you try to take him from us, I will do everything I can to keep him. He's my son, our son, and you cannot try to take him as if he's just a family trinket we can part with.” He took a deep breath, and forced his voice to a calmer tone. “You can be part of his life though. I would like that, and I think he would like it too.”

“That child is all I have left! Do you think it makes me happy that my only remaining family is the son of a whore who seduced my child? Do you think this is what I wanted for Fili, to sire a bastard with a criminal and then to die long before me, too far away for me to bury him?”

“Not a whore,” Nori mumbled from behind Dwalin.

It got it a glare from the princess. “What did you _say_?”

“I said I'm not a _whore_ ,” Nori repeated a little louder, clinging to Dwalin's tunic. “A criminal and a bastard, yes, but I didn't fuck your son for money or power!”

“Then what?” Dis asked, before laughing. “Don't you dare say you loved him. Don't you dare! There's no shame in being a whore, and I know what a tempting prospect a future king must have been, but don't insult his memory and my intelligence by pretending you loved him when all Erebor knows you're fucking Dwalin and you're now bearing his child!”

“Did love him though,” Nori hissed between clenched teeth. “Still do. Always will. And there's a wound in my heart that's shaped like his smile because I'll miss Fili to my last day!”

Dwalin nodded firmly at the words, wishing he knew how to tell Dis how broken Nori had been after losing his lover. No one who had seen Nori then could ever doubt that he sincerely loved Fili.

“ _Don't you dare say his name_!” Dis shouted, loud enough to startle the two men before her.

It was then that the door to Nori's room opened with a grinding noise. The three adults turned that way, and saw little Frerin there, half hiding against that door and clinging tight to it, staring at them with wide scared eyes.

“Why is lady angry?” he whimpered.

Nori was the first to recover. He dashed to his son and knelt near him with open arms. Frerin threw himself against his father's chest and held him tight, still watching Dis as if she were Azog himself.

“It's just adults talking,” Nori tried to explain. “I'm sorry we were so loud. Go back to bed, I'll be here soon.”

“Why angry?” Frerin insisted, pointing at Dis. “Bad lady!”

Dis paled, the child's accusation striking her in a way no adults ever had. For some odd reason, Dwalin could only think of how young the princess still was after all, and how unkind life had been to her all along. She wasn't like Nori or the princeling, who had known nothing but exile and couldn't really compare it to anything else, and she wasn't like Dwalin either, who'd had nearly half a life in the comfort of Erebor, and had fled from it with clear memories. She'd been too young when Smaug had come, and yet too old too.

“She's not bad,” Dwalin tried to explained to his scared son and his equally scared lover. “She's just very sad, and that can make people angry.”

Dis took a step toward Frerin and Nori, but they both clung to each other more tightly and she stepped back again.

“I had a little boy once,” she explained, her voice softer now. “He looked a little bit like you. I had a little girl too, and they were everything to me... but they went to war and died. I am sorry I scared you.”

Frerin's expression didn't change, but something softened in Nori's face.

“She's prince Fili's mother,” he said at last, and the child's eyes opened wide. “You know prince Fili, right? I tell you stories about him and his sister.”

“Your friends!” Frerin exclaimed with vigorous nodding, before looking at Dis again to decide if he should still be scared of her or not. Dwalin had never known that Nori was telling stories of the princelings to their son, and he wasn't quite sure Frerin was old enough yet to hear anything of what had happened to his sire and his aunt... but whatever Nori had said, it seemed to relieve some of Frerin's fear. He didn't let go of his father, but he wasn't clinging to him so tightly anymore.

Nori took the boy in his arms and stood up carrying him. He hesitated a second, then walked toward Dis and Dwalin. Again, Frerin became worried and hid his face against Nori's shoulder. His father started petting his hair to calm him, and kissed his forehead.

“Come on, say goodnight to your adad again, and we'll go to bed together, yeah?”

With a side glance to the princess, Frerin leaned to kiss Dwalin's cheek, who gave him one peck as well. Nori then looked at Dis, waiting for her to say something, half daring her to try to take his son away now, but she had eyes only for the little boy in his arms.

“I wish I hadn't scared you,” she told Frerin once more. “If you can forgive me for getting angry before, I would like to come see you sometimes. Would you like that? I am sure I know stories about Fili and Kili that your fathers never told you, if that could please you.”

“I'm sure that would be... nice,” Nori answered for the child. “You like stories, Frerin, don't you? But for now, I really must get him to sleep. Good night, your majesty. Dwalin, why don't you make some tea? The two of you must have... many things to... talk about.”

As his lover and his son disappeared in their room, carefully closing the door behind them, Dwalin slumped down on a chair at Dis's side, exhausted and once more terrified that he would have to explain why he had dared to survive when all her family was dead.

“He seems... different from how I imagined,” Dis said after a long silence, as she still stared at the bedroom's door.

“Frerin is a good kid.”

“I meant Nori.”

Dwalin nodded. “He's one of the best dwarves I've ever met. I know this isn't easy for you, but he did love Fili. I can swear on my honour that he did, as much as any dwarf can love another. And Fili loved him too. They... they made each other happy. It's a shame they didn't have more time.”

“When people starting writing to me about the child, I investigated on that Nori's reputation,” Dis explained, finally turning to look at her old friend. “His family is... they're not too bad, even if I would have preferred Fili to find someone of a background more similar to his own. But that Nori is a criminal. He was arrested, Dwalin, and more than once! Apparently that's even how Thorin recruited him!”

“We've all done things we weren't proud of,” Dwalin protested. “Exile hasn't been kind for anyone. Nori did what he thought he had to do to help his family. Now, he no longer needs to, and he's as honest as any high born dwarf. More honest than a few of them, really. And he loves Frerin. He so loves him. Do not try to take his child away because I will not let you. You are my friend, my princess, but it would kill him if you took the child and I cannot let that happen.”

“I'm not sure I trust him,” Dis retorted. “But the boy trusts him, and I do trust you.” She was silent for a moment, then frowned. “The new child...”

“Mine,” Dwalin confessed, and he had to look away, the shame of what he now saw as a slight against Fili hitting him with full strength. “I was just supposed to claim Frerin so he wouldn't grow up a bastard,” he quickly explained. “I never meant to seduce Nori but I suppose we were both... lonely. Don't think it means Nori wasn't sincere to Fili just because of what's happened with me. I don't count.”

Dis shrugged, unconvinced. Still, the mere fact that she didn't argue any further against Nori was a first step Dwalin decided. And she was still here for some weeks, she would have time to see how good Nori was, maybe even to start understanding why her son had fallen in love with him... There would be time.

“How about some tea?” the princess suddenly asked. “It has been a rather long day, and I wouldn't be against it.” Dwalin nodded and stood up to put some water to heat, and she added, “and while we drink, I think I shall want to hear how my children and my brother died, if you don't mind.”

Dwalin sighed, and nodded again. He had been preparing for months what he would say, and now the time had come.

“I doubt it will comfort you much,” he said as he poured water in a pan. “But they died as heroes, and you can be proud of them.”

It got him a shrug, as he rather expected. It would take more than such banalities to appease Dis's shattered heart, and he knew it. So he started talking, and she started listening.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we'll see how it actually goes, but it's likely next chapter will be the last. With some hope, this time it won't take me months to write it...


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dis makes things better, then goes home

One thing had to be granted to Dis, she knew her way around children. After her first bad impression on Frerin, she made great efforts to charm him, usually with success. It helped that she knew stories not just about Fili and Kili, but also many tales of Dwalin's youth. They boy was quite delighted to hear all the things his father had done, especially if they were silly, or dangerous.

His absolute favourite was a combination of the two.

Dwalin wasn't quite sure how he felt about that. Tales of his wild youth with Thorin, before the dragon came, somehow didn't feel like appropriate material for Frerin's young ears. In truth, he wasn't too happy to be reminded what an idiot he'd been sometimes in his youth. But it was nice to see Dis sitting on the floor near her grandson, the little boy looking at her with wide astonished eyes, reacting intensely every time something funny or scary happened. And it was nicer still to see Nori always there, usually sitting on the bed to put some distance between him and the woman who had wanted to steal his son, but still listening intently to these stories he didn't know either, chuckling here and there. And sometimes, Balin was there too, to provide further details, or to finally hear the full version of something Dwalin had managed to hide from him.

It felt like home and family, and Dwalin loved it more than he could have said.

And Frerin wasn't the only one getting a change of mind. Dis had been so angry and disdainful that first night, but with time seemed to disapprove less of the state of things.

“He's a happy boy, isn't he?” she said of Frerin one evening, while Nori was putting him to bed.

“We do our best for that,” Dwalin replied. “I hope our best is enough. It's not easy being a parent.”

Dis nodded thoughtfully. She'd had to raise her children in much harder conditions, but she'd done quite well, Dwalin always felt. Fili and Kili had been good kids, and for a short time, good adults.

“And Dain... he's... he's good for Erebor, isn't he?” she asked.

Dwalin couldn't see the link between the two questions, but he nodded firmly. Dain was a good king. He wasn't the king that Thorin or Fili would have been, but that was just a matter of personality. Erebor wasn't his mountain originally, but it had become so, and Dwalin trusted his king to do what was best for his people.

“I'm not sure we were ever really happy,” Dis explained, seeming to talk mostly to herself. “Power and responsibilities can do that, especially in trying times. Thorin certainly hadn't had much happiness in his life since Erebor fell, and even before that, in the few memories I have, he was so...  _ stern _ most of the time. And my children... Kili was blessed with a personality that hardness couldn't touch too much but Fili was too serious for his age, wasn't he?”

“Fili was a good boy,” Dwalin replied, unsure what else could be said. “He always knew what his duty was, and he tried to do it well.”

“He was too young for this, for all of this,” Dis protested. “We all were. I know our family was chosen by Mahal to lead, and I know he never threw anything our way that we couldn't handle, but sometimes it feels unfair that we had no choice in the matter. And I can't help but feel... finally, we're given a choice. For Frerin, there is a choice. Dain has told me that he would step down in favour of my grandson if I asked it, because Frerin is the true heir, the one with the most right to the throne. I could be his regent until he is of age, and then Frerin would come into his true place, but... But I'm not sure I want that for him?”

Dis looked away at her own words, as if there was shameful in them.

Shameful, maybe not. But shocking, certainly. They were of a same family, of a same blood, and both of them knew since childhood the importance of their duty to their people. Each generation, one person in the family became king and they had to follow them through it all, because faithfulness to the king was faithfulness to the people. Dis was right that it had never given Thorin any happiness, and that it had taken its toll on Fili long before it was tome for him to be crowned... but that was their gift and duty all at once. It had been that way since Durin the First, an uninterrupted line of rulers blessed by Mahal with the powers to lead their people wisely in good and bad times... It was a pact between them and their maker, and Dis was thinking of breaking it.

Of course, Dwalin too had wanted to escape that pact. But that was because he was weak, because his love for Nori and Frerin had become greater than his duty to their people. He was weak but Dis was strong, had always been strong because she'd had no choice. She was strong, and yet she'd had the same blasphemous thoughts as him.

“Do not blame me for thinking this way,” Dis warned him when his silence lasted too long. “I have seen my entire family destroyed and miserable trying to do what's right. My grandfather lost his mind over his kingdom! His ancestors lost their health too trying to make this cursed mountain somewhere we could live in after we lost Khazad Dum! My father is lost for ever, maybe one of thousands who died in battle and were never given a grave, just like poor Frerin! And now Thorin is dead too, as are my children, my poor children, and... Mahal cannot ask that I see another life wasted and broken for this blasted kingdom! If he is good, if he is kind, then he must understand that I want to see one person of my blood happy at last, and if he isn't good... then why should I care for a Maker who doesn't love his creations?”

Dwalin wasn't sure what to answer. Maybe there were no words for such a situation, to express how much he understood her, how much he felt the same, how relieved he was that his son would be given something few in their family had ever being given: a chance for his life to be his own.

There were no words. But Dwalin pulled Dis into a hug and held her close to his heart. His cousin, his sister, his friend. Something that had broken between them was finally starting to mend.

* * *

 

Dwalin told Nori about Dis's decision. He'd asked and she'd allow it, although she'd admitted she still wasn't sure she liked Nori. If he had stayed faithful to Fili, then she might have had kinder feelings for him, but the whole thing felt too much like a betrayal to her. Still, she had admitted that Nori loved Frerin as much as she had loved her own children, and that he deserved to know that his boy would not be taken from him and sacrificed to the kingdom.

So Dwalin told him that very night, as they were both laying on Nori's bed.

There was a short silence once he was done explaining (he'd had to adapt some of the things Dis had said. Blaspheme between them was one thing, but nobody else could know they had lost faith) then Nori sighed. A long, deep sigh of relief, coming from the deepest part of him.

“He's safe,” he whispered, staring at the ceiling. “He's safe... he's  _ safe _ .”

Tears formed at the corners of his eyes and started rolling down his cheeks, but he didn't seem to notice. Dwalin wiped them first with his thumb, and then with small kisses.

“No one will take our son,” he agreed. “No one will ever harm our child. Our  _ children _ . No one.”

Nori nodded, still crying, and buried his face against Dwalin's chest. Dwalin put his arms around the other dwarf and pulled him as close as he could, mindful of his belly.

Their son was safe, and so was whatever it was that existed between Dwalin and Nori.

* * *

 

It came as no surprise to those who knew Dis when she announced that she was going back to Ered Luin. That she had travelled to Erebor at all had been a great effort on her part, they all felt it, and if not for Frerin, she would never have done it. Now she had met her grandson, though she would never call him so except around those who could be trusted with such a secret, and she knew he was well cared for. She had no reason to stay in the mountain she so loathed, and home was calling for her.

“But you  _ are _ home,” Dain told her when she announced her decision.

“Thorin's home, and our people's, but never mine,” she replied. “I left it too young, and what little happiness I had in life, it was Ered Luin that gave it to me, so that's where my home is. I never realised it before I came here, but now I miss it dearly, and I have to go back.”

And that was the end of that discussion. No one protested, or tried to change her mind. Everyone had been happy to see her come, and they were all sad to see her leave, but no one could blame her for the heartache that Erebor brought her. Perhaps Dwalin and her weren't the only ones angry at the way Mahal had targeted her family, and now their whole people just wanted peace for the survivors.

There was a great farewell party planned for the night before Dis's departure. But the night before that she spent her evening with Frerin and the rest of the family. The little dwarfling was still too young to really understand that she was going, but he must still have felt that something was about to happen. He clung to her all evening, and she had to be the one to put him to bed. He had cried so loudly when Nori had tried to take him in his arms that Dwalin was certain he was going to turn as deaf as Oin.

“Don't blame him when you're just growing old,” Nori teased, poking at his ribs.

“I can't be so old if I can still get you with child,” Dwalin replied with a much lighter poke at Nori's belly. “And if I'm old, what about Balin?”

“Balin want to be left out of that conversation,” said the dwarf in question, rolling his eyes. “I am old indeed, and tired, and once I have said my goodbyes to Dis, I'll go to bed like the ancient dwarf I am.”

And once Dis had managed to calm her grandson enough for him to sleep, Balin did just as he had said. They exchanged a few words, and some mutual good wishes, before Balin went to his bedroom. Dwalin suspected his brother wasn't quite as tired as he claimed, and that he just wanted the three of them to have privacy should they want to settle some last minute business, and he was thankful for that.

It was odd, saying goodbye to Dis. Last time, she had asked him to look after her brother and her children. Now she had her grandson in his charge, and he prayed that Mahal be merciful this time, that he did not fail her again. The look on her face said that she'd had the same thought. It said also that should anything happen to Frerin, it would be their Maker who would bear all her hatred, not Dwalin. And if that happened then Mahal had better have a good reason for his decisions, because Dis looked all out of forgiveness.

When the two of them were done, Dis turned to Nori. Her face was hard, and she looked almost as crossed as she had that first night.

“I do not like you,” she told Nori. “I think I have reasons enough for that. They tell me you're not as bad as I believe. They can tell me that until the last of my days, I still won't like you. You're a dishonest dwarf, a thief, as fleeting as the wind, and I can only despise anyone whose heart is as unsteady as yours.”

She paused for a second. Nori glared, but did not reply. It was nothing that he hadn't thought of himself in his bad days, and he wasn't impressed.

“No, I really don't like you. But that's not the point I suppose,” Dis sighed. “Fili liked you. Loved you. And I imagine it doesn't really matter how true the feeling between the two of you was, as long as my son was happy for a short while. And I know... I know you are making Dwalin happy too. I don't know what he sees in you, because I don't see much of value, but... I'm glad that he sees it. It was time the old boy had someone to take care of him, after all the years he spent taking care of our family. So you better take good care of him, you hear me? I don't need to tell you to be good to Frerin, because Mahal knows even I can't deny you look prepared to do anything for your son. But you'd better be good to Dwalin too, or I'll make you regret you were ever born.”

“I'll take good care of him,” Nori replied, much more solemn than Dwalin would have expected. “But I won't do it for you. I've seen a dragon almost eye to eye, you don't scare me all that much. But I'll be good to Dwalin because I love him, even if you probably won't believe that.”

Dwalin's eyes opened wide, and he stared at his lover in surprise. Nori loved him... it wasn't the best way to learn it, and he hoped that someday Nori would say it to him and him only, but it was still good to hear. Dwalin had never known how much it hurt him to never be sure of that until this moment when he finally was.

“You could tell me the sun will rise in the East tomorrow and I wouldn't believe you,” Dis retorted. “But if you believe it yourself, that's good enough for me. So may Mahal be kind to you and your family.”

“If he's not I'll find him and hold him down for you so you can tear off his balls,” Nori promised.

Dwalin cringed at the crude language directed at their Maker, but Dis laughed. A true laughter, sincere and coming right from her belly. Nori smirked, looking so proud of himself that Dwalin started laughing too, until he could hardly breathe.

They were an odd family, the whole lot of them. Broken beyond repair, and knowing too well how cruel and unfair life could be. But they were a family,  _ Dwalin's _ family, and he couldn't imagine a better one.

* * *

 

Two days later, Dis was gone.

Frerin missed her terribly, asking after her often, and crying every time he was told she would not come see him anymore. By the end of the first day, Dwalin was determined to get a correspondence going with his cousin so he could read her letters to his son, until he was old enough to read them himself. He also decided that they would have to go visit Ered Luin someday, once Frerin and his future sibling were of age for travelling. Erebor was their home, but Ered Luin was part of the history of their people and their family. It was only right that the children should see it at least once.

One night in bed he mentioned the idea to Nori, who didn’t appear to feel too strongly about it. It was fine to go if it mattered to Dwalin, and he could understand the logic behind it, but he had little reasons to miss Ered Luin.

“My family was miserable there. We had no money and we were treated like the bunch of bastards we were. But I guess… it wouldn’t be so bad to show off to some pricks and have them see what I’ve become now. I didn’t do too bad for myself, right? Official bedwarmer of one of the heroes of Erebor…”

“That’s not what you are,” Dwalin cut him. “You are a hero in your own right, as much as anyone who was part of Thorin’s company. And you’re not my  _ bedwarmer _ . You are my lover and friend, the father of my children. You are the dwarf I  _ love _ , and anyone who insults you will meet my fists at high speed.”

Nori pushed himself on one elbow to look down at Dwalin’s face, searching for something. He must have found it, whatever it was, because he moved closer to the older dwarf, snuggling up close, taking one of Dwalin’s hands and putting it to rest on his round belly.

“I guess I’m all that, if you say I am,” he said, smiling. “You’re the honest one after all. And I’m… I’m happy to be all that, too. I guess, after all that’s happened, we have a right to be happy, no?”

Dwalin nodded, and kissed his hair. They had more than earned that happiness. They had payed for it in the blood of Thorin and Kili and Fili and countless others who had died for a place they would never live in, in the tears of Ori and Dis and all those who were mourning their dead and might never recover from their losses. The price was high, and they shouldn’t have had to pay it… but Dwalin intended to enjoy every moment ahead of him, and to make sure those he loved would too.

He owed that to those who couldn’t, and it wasn’t such a bad way to honour what they had sacrificed, was it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's the end of this one. Hope you enjoyed it, because wow, it was a ride to write between life happening, health issues, and a near constant writer block :D
> 
> This entire fic would never have been possible without the ever so lovely Veraverorum. The original idea was hers, the very large majority of the plot points were hers, and it was written for her as she fights against that soul sucker known as university. This last chapter in particular was a huge pain in the ass for me because I just don't know how to finish stories, but she knew what she wanted for our babies, and how she wanted it, so all I had to do was to be a vessel for her imagination... and I loved it.


End file.
